Beyond 'Letting Go'

[Q]

When we speak about letting go, I always remember this quote:

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
? Deborah Reber

I read it in a book when I was younger and it meant a lot to me.

Many times, people feel that letting go is just giving up on someone, but in actuality it is about controlling ourselves.

Some other people on the other hand feels that holding on is a symbol of them having great strength, but instead they fail to realize that it takes more strength to let go than holding on.

If we look in a Dharma point of view, holding on and not letting go of certain situations truly is one of the causes of our suffering; because we always end up looking back and not moving forward. Letting go don't mean that we forget what has happened, instead we have to remember but be indifferent with the situation... as it is after all a valuable learning experience.

[Manjushri]

Ensapa, thank you for sharing.

How one let goes differs from situation to situation. Say, someone accidentally did harm to one of the person you loved. Letting go, although the meaning is the same, will differ from how one lets go if they have someone breaking their promise.

Yes it is easy to let go sometimes, just takes a reinforced and strong mind,but it does not necessarily reflect the real intrinsic feeling of letting go. On a surface level, it is easy to let go,but emotionally, sometimes it is hard. Really letting go is liberating, but how many of us can really let go from deep within? It does take a combination of both, I feel -forgetting about the incident, AND erasing the associated value with it. In addition, forgiving would play a huge role in really letting go as well.

To me, the true meaning of really letting go is when one experiences a discharge in burden off their shoulders, and they are able to truly be geniunely happy with whatever situation they are in at the present moment. 

[Ensapa]

To me, most people cant really truly let go as really letting go means giving the other person another fresh start. It really does mean that and sometimes i find myself in positions where i have to take a risk by giving someone a brand new start in my life, most probably a friend, and just open myself to the possibility of being hurt again by this person or whether or not i am not...if i am hurt again, i just let it stop there by cutting off contact or distancing myself.

[Big Uncle]

Letting go has many connotations and many levels of meaning. I think we should explore the spiritual aspect of letting go and that is to let go of our attachments and preconceived notions. All of us have very strong fixed ideas of what we like and we don't like. We stick by it even at the expense of others and that's not very good for us because that has tremendous karmic repercussions. What we like and don't like is just preference which is often based on past experience.

However, anything can change and what we like may not be good for us and what seemed bad in the past may have become better. It is always good to listen to the Dharma that challenge us to think and self-examine have we been focussing on ourselves and what we like and don't like. This attachment brings tremendous pleasure and a lot of pain as well. The more we realize this, the easier it is for us to practice higher teachings and more likely to practice and gain attainments.

[Q]

To me, most people cant really truly let go as really letting go means giving the other person another fresh start. It really does mean that and sometimes i find myself in positions where i have to take a risk by giving someone a brand new start in my life, most probably a friend, and just open myself to the possibility of being hurt again by this person or whether or not i am not...if i am hurt again, i just let it stop there by cutting off contact or distancing myself.

Letting go really is a large topic... it comprises so many levels that is probably not practical to list them down here.

But for most cases it always surrounds two things
1) fear for the future
2) anger of the past

If we can let go of these two things, we'd definitely be happier and live a more fulfilling life that concentrate on developing a happier future for ourselves.

Anger of the past... whatever that have unfortunately happened to us that has caused us emotional or physical harm, let go. If we allow this to live with us, there really is no future, and we allow what hurt us in the first place... hurt us again and again, when in reality the person/incident that befall us only hurt us once... the rest is all our own projections.

Do not allow other's to control your happiness, after all karma will come back to those who hurt you... let karma do it's 'magic' hehehe...

Fear for the future... many times we encounter situations that we feel forced to worry about our future. For example, if I have cancer, it is only natural that I would worry about my future. However, if we practice letting go of what happens in the future, we will live a more enriching life NOW as compared to worrying about what will  happen. This is especially for situations where we are not totally in control over... why worry? Just let go, and start shaping our lives to a future that we want.

Lets take an example that we can see and feel visually. For example, I'm carrying a stick... it's big and heavy, but as soon as I put it down. or throw it away then it is no longer heavy and does not make me suffer. So the same applies with what's within us... when we throw or let go our worries and anger, we will feel lighter, and the worries can never tire us anymore.

I know it is difficult... we are living within our own 4 walls all the time, and letting go sometimes can be scary because that is all we have known so far. It is just like a prisoner, after living for so many years in prison, they feel scared to leave it. But once we are mentally prepared, and have the courage to move out of the prison cell, then we see a whole new world. More than anything, it take courage to let go.

So the question is, how to let go?

1) Concentrate at one thing at a time. Dont keep so much mental clutter in our minds. Pick up what we're doing now, do it perfectly then discard it. Same with all the hurt that we receive along the way... just discard it.

2) Be content! If we always feel that we're stuck in a situation that we do not like or want... then we have created a mental prison for ourselves. How can we amend this? Change our mind set, and want the be in situations that we used to avoid.

3) Giving without expecting anything in return.

4) Letting go of assumptions.

[Ensapa]

To me, true forgiveness is that you allow someone enough space to change themselves and prove themselves to be different people than what they are from the past. I mean, everyone deserves a chance even though they may not deserve it. But perhaps, thats my idealized way of seeing things because when friends do hurt me, i forgive them and i do give them room and benefit of the doubt even though sometimes they dont learn from it and i end up getting hurt from it. Personally, i would want a full chance for me to prove myself as well if i am in that situation, i would like people to give me a chance to regain their trust. To me, full forgiveness is when we allow that person to turn around and do something about the mistake that they have made.

[sonamdhargey]

25 Quotes on Letting Go

Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. - Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers

Forgiveness means letting go of the past. - Gerald Jampolsky

In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. – Deepak Chopra

Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
 
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. – Dalai Lama

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. – Ralph Marston

The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty. - Seneca

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. – Daphne Rose Kingma

We need to learn to let go as easily as we grasp and we will find our hands full and our minds empty. – Leo F. Buscaglia

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. – Raymond Lindquist

You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding. – Guy Finley

Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. – Anais Nin

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. - Havelock Ellis

The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us…the option to fill the space with something new. – Susan Fay West

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. – Tao Te Ching

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. - Herman Hesse

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. - Michael Cibenko

To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit. – Jack Kornfield

We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you. – Sarah Ban Breathnach

Nirvana means to extinguish the burning fires of the Three Poisons: greed, anger, and ignorance. This can be accomplished by letting go of dissatisfaction. - Shinjo Ito

There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. – Jessica Hatchigan

You can only lose what you cling to. - Buddha

[sonamdhargey]

25 Quotes on Letting Go

Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. - Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it. - Ann Landers

Forgiveness means letting go of the past. - Gerald Jampolsky

In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. – Deepak Chopra

Letting go helps us to to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress. – Melody Beattie, The Language of Letting Go
 
Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. – Dalai Lama

Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. – Ralph Marston

The greatest loss of time is delay and expectation, which depend upon the future. We let go the present, which we have in our power, and look forward to that which depends upon chance, and so relinquish a certainty for an uncertainty. - Seneca

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. – Daphne Rose Kingma

We need to learn to let go as easily as we grasp and we will find our hands full and our minds empty. – Leo F. Buscaglia

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. – Raymond Lindquist

You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding. – Guy Finley

Anything I cannot transform into something marvelous, I let go. – Anais Nin

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what’s bitter and move on. – Bill Cosby

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on. - Havelock Ellis

The mental and physical space we create by letting go of things that belong in our past gives us…the option to fill the space with something new. – Susan Fay West

When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be. When I let go of what I have, I receive what I need. – Tao Te Ching

Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go. - Herman Hesse

One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. - Michael Cibenko

To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit. – Jack Kornfield

We must be willing to let go of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. – Joseph Campbell

You’ve got to make a conscious choice every day to shed the old – whatever “the old” means for you. – Sarah Ban Breathnach

Nirvana means to extinguish the burning fires of the Three Poisons: greed, anger, and ignorance. This can be accomplished by letting go of dissatisfaction. - Shinjo Ito

There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. – Jessica Hatchigan

You can only lose what you cling to. - Buddha

Source:http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/here-there-and-everywhere/201210/25-quotes-letting-go

[icy]

Beyond "Letting Go" is actually consist the following elements:

1. Realize the value of the human body with which you have been endowed, for it is the result of many past good causes. Appreciate the fact that teachings are available and ready to be implemented.

2. Since this precious human life can be used in powerfully beneficial or destructive ways, and is itself most fragile, make good use of it now.

3. Physical happiness is just an occasional balance of elements in the body, not a deep harmony. Understand the temporary for what it is.

4. A tamed mind makes you peaceful, relaxed, and happy; whereas, if your mind is not peaceful and tamed, no matter how wonderful your external circumstances, you will be beset by frights and worries. Realize that the root of your own happiness and welfare rests with a peaceful and tamed mind. It is also a great benefit to those around you.

[apprenticehealer]

'Letting Go' can be said, is another term for "to forgive and forget'. However it may be easy to forgive but it's a lot harder to forget.

If there is a situation that we can forgive for the trespasses that someone has done to us, but we still cannot forget the incident, then we have not fully let go of the whole situation. By not truly forgiving and forgetting, or fully letting go, eventually the only person we hurt is ourselves. By not forgetting or letting go, we deceive ourselves into thinking that there is no longer an issue with this particular person,(we have already forgiven him ) ,  this deceit will gnaw and eat into us, and it will again blow up in our faces.

By forgetting, i take it to mean that we comprehend why the person had done that to us, we have the compassion and loving kindness to see the reasoning behind the person's action , we forgive him and we forget the whole incident. We let it go !
'Forgetting' does not mean to sweep it under the carpet, shove it to another compartment in our mind, stick our head into the ground like an ostrich  - because when there is the slightest trigger, all the negative emotions will come surfacing to the top again.
This only shows that we have held on to it all this while.

Letting go requires a lot of inner work, discipline, compassion, wisdom and clarity but most importantly, true forgiveness. Letting go is train our minds to detach from the negative emotions relating to a negative situation.

The longer one holds on and grasps tightly to someone, something, a situation,  the more painful it becomes, and more suffering is caused.

Letting go equates to detachment.

[Positive Change]

Letting go for me is not forgetting the situation or circumstance altogether and hence trying to blank it out of our memory but actually accepting it and moving on.

It is this aspect of non attachment to the past that helps us to heal. Because in realizing this, we realize that we cannot change the past and what happened, but we can certainly change how we view the present based on the past which in turns shapes our future!

I always look at the "negatives" in my past and tell myself, without these so called "negatives", I would not be where I am... hence if I actually view these "negatives" as "positives" which shape my life, it actually becomes bearable and hence the process of letting go can begin!