Why do we stay silent and not speak up!

[Klein]

I think it all boils down to being selfish when you do not speak up when it's necessary. I learnt from my Guru recently that still water runs deep for people who are quiet in general. Makes lots of sense if you think about it.

[Tenzin K]

Don't speak up because of afraid of being wrong. Selfish!
But never speak up we would never know whether we are right.

What to lose if we give our sincere and caring thought?
Whether it is good or bad that is secondary but as long as our motivation is pure.
If we are wrong, learn it.
Who knows there are people benefited from what we say even though if it's wrong but if we are not wrong people might not able to learn what is right.

What important is share our thought and speak up not for us but others.

[negra orquida]

This is an old thread, but the issue raised is ever green 

To speak or not to speak... not speaking even when we know the answer, not speaking when we are not sure whether we are right or wrong, not speaking because we are lazy to think of something to say, not speaking because we don't want people to have certain opinion of us... these are inner obstacles which we can overcome.

Speaking up is important for both the student and the teacher.  If we don't speak up and reveal our depth of understanding of something, how can the teacher correct us or teach us something above our current level of understanding?

I used to teach high school physics... i found it quite exasperating when i ask the teens questions and no one wants to answer, or they reply with nonsense! i'm not sure which is worse... The smart ones don't want to answer because they don't want to look like a brown noser or mr/ms know-it-all, the lazy ones don't want to answer because they don't want to think, the not-so-smart-ones act as though i am not talking to them, and the naughty ones answer rubbish because they want attention!

To me, i was not expecting anyone to give the right answer, but rather i wanted to gauge the group's level of understanding, or just wake them up.  Asking and answering questions to a group is just another method to help everyone learn from each other and see different perspectives.  This method can be a very effective learning tool, but only if people respond to the questions.

[Q]

Haha... I have the same problem. The inability to speak up and always being silent. Although it's not really a joking matter, but sometimes when I look back at why I fail to speak up, it really is comical that at that  point of time... I was unable to do so, even if it was something so simple.

I suppose it is true, that it is caused by our ego... afraid to be wrong and laughed at. However, I also believe that it's because of the lack of care... If we cared enough, we would speak anyway... just like how we would voice out for the people that are close to us even if ti will make us look like a fool.

[biggyboy]

Looks like I am not alone.  Many of us do not speak up due to our habituation and ego for not wanting to look bad, scolded or laughed.  How silly it is many times when we were shown the way to speak up and yet not speaking up..repeating time over time.  This can be also due to not wanting to know or learn more to increase knowledge and skills due to laziness. Hence, no confidence to speak up for having no knowledge.  Likewise, being selective in speaking up.  Why selective? All these boils down to our own ego and selfishness for focusing too much on ourselves.  And not for others.

I guess once realised that need to make that change.  I am adamant to change my habit of not speaking up for the benefits of others and myself at least for now.  Yes, who knows may my stupidity answers in speaking up helps someone.

[DSFriend]

For some people I've met, oh..i wish they would just shut up! They speak incessantly no matter what situation they find themselves in. Could it be that they are trying to drown any "accusations" or any "unpleasant" words with their eloquence and verbal diarrhea so they remain as they are? I call this Mr M16 Gun.

Well, for some people, they are quick to shut down and stay silent,.. perhaps not to be noticed so they can continue to remain as they are.  I call this Ms Ostrich.

There are plenty of Mr M16 Gun and Ms Ostriches and I have found myself being both. (talking about split personalities) Well, outwardly its neither a good or a bad thing.. unless we are clairvoyant we wouldn't be able to truly perceive the motivation of others. However, if there are no growth then Mr 16 Gun or Ms Ostrich has been just a coverup for our indulgences.

[dondrup]

Once bitten, twice shy! Maybe that is the reason why we remain silent and not speak up when the situation demands it.  It is also the upbringing that we have gone when we were young that shapes our present introverted behavior which is used to being silent.  Or we are simply fear of public speaking! There are lots of reasons or excuses that we could think of to justify our silence.  However, the fundamental reason for our silence is our egoistic mind which is very self-cherishing. Not speaking up is because we do not really care for ourselves (let alone others).  We chose to remain selfish. We prefer to let others speak up so that we need not speak up! We are plain lazy!

[Jessie Fong]

Silence is golden, is it?  Most people opine that it is best to keep quiet if we have nothing good to say.  But keeping quiet also means that we do not get to give our opinion, whether it be right or wrong - it is only a perception.  Opinions given and taken will be put into action based on a majority basis - so if we do not offer suggestions, how would we know if anything/something that we had in mind would be accepted?

Many times, most people do not speak up for fear of rejection, fear of being made a laughing stock, fear of looking bad.  This mind-set must change.

[Tammy]

Staying silence is being safe. Staying safe means I will not be noticed, hence I will not be involved in the work. Let other people do it because I do not how - this is the selfish view

Staying silence because I am not familiar with this topic, if I say something or ask anything, I will look stupid and people will look down on me, hence better don't say anything - this is the play-safe view

Why people stay silence could also because the other ones in the meeting/discussions/argument are not being NICE. They take every opportunity to put down other people. This is a classic case of office politics. In the nice world of TEAM, there are difference classes of members, some wealthy, some professional, some work hard, some work smart.. but I have not come across any organization that walk their talk when it comes to real team work and harmony...Sad!!

Why - this is because we are in samsara and are constantly affected by the three poisons. Hence we need to remind ourselves that fame, wealth, face, etc etc are meaningless.

[sonamdhargey]

I came across this situation countless times already. I was afraid to speak up because that was the way I was brought up by my parent and teachers to keep quite because they are wiser. It really depends on your culture and environment. Some culture encourage you to speak up and some don't. Unfortunately I'm from the culture of don't speak up because that is rude and no manners to the elder. If we did speak up we will be asked to shut up.

Later part of my life i realized that those who opposed you to speak up because they don't know any better than you therefore they expect you to be like that as well. I see the ego there. If they don't know, means you don't know either therefore you should not speak or you will look like you're trying to be smart.

My opinion is, everyone should speak up. sometimes we may be wrong and sometimes we may be right. Ultimately who cares if you're right or wrong? As long as we set our motivation positively to benefits others with our opinions by speaking up.

[Positive Change]

For some people I've met, oh..i wish they would just shut up! They speak incessantly no matter what situation they find themselves in. Could it be that they are trying to drown any "accusations" or any "unpleasant" words with their eloquence and verbal diarrhea so they remain as they are? I call this Mr M16 Gun.

Well, for some people, they are quick to shut down and stay silent,.. perhaps not to be noticed so they can continue to remain as they are.  I call this Ms Ostrich.

There are plenty of Mr M16 Gun and Ms Ostriches and I have found myself being both. (talking about split personalities) Well, outwardly its neither a good or a bad thing.. unless we are clairvoyant we wouldn't be able to truly perceive the motivation of others. However, if there are no growth then Mr 16 Gun or Ms Ostrich has been just a coverup for our indulgences.

This is an interesting observation and analogy... I believe all Mr M16 Guns and Ms Ostriches are indeed "silent" in their own way. The former being loudly silent while the latter is extremely silent. Sometimes making unnecessary noise is a way to deflect the real issue or the person's lack of actual understanding.

Both are equally as bad. I have been a gun or a bird at times... its our way of hiding and letting our ego rear its ugly head!

[ratanasutra]

i feel that different people have different reasons why we not speak up in different situation.. For me its easy to speak when it a good situation but when it in bad situation it very difficult to talk as i scare what i say will make thing getting worse or it might say something stupid or something wrong or i have to do as per what i say which all of this is come from my big ego so i choose to be quiet which is also reflect on how selfish i am.

[bambi]

It is always the same questions that run through my mind!
Am I saying the right thing at the right time?
Am I making the situation worse by saying something?
Is it okay to speak up when it has nothing to do with me?
Is it my ego?

I seriously don't mind looking or sounding stupid for I really don't care much but I am afraid that people might think I am being rude!
Its much better now. I do speak up, although not loud enough but I am going to do better than now!

[Rihanna]

I agree with your reasons and want to add that there are some people who can speak their mind when it is a one to one situation but clamps up when in a group. Then there are some who clamps up when being confronted but contributes well in a peaceful discussions. May it be ego or not wanting to come out of one's comfort zone, as a caring dharma practitioner I think we should encourage the person who is suffering from this situation to speak up when necessary. On the other end of the spectrum, some one who talks and speaks up all the time could be a result of wanting to be heard all the time, again that boils down to ego. So the best way is to speak when needed and to shut up when you have nothing positive to contribute!

[Positive Change]

I remember once in a teaching... my teacher exclaimed that the reason why it is selfish to not voice out or remain silent even if we "think" we do not know the answer or are afraid that we may be wrong or look stupid.

The point is not about giving the best or THE answer but rather spark off a discussion and brainstorm based on points of discussions. Sometimes the silliest remarks or answers may spark off a thought in someone else and that contributes to the solution and bigger picture in the long run. It makes a lot of sense.

Imagine a boardroom full of people who remain silent when it is supposed to be brainstorming sessions. Surely nothing will come out of however many hours they all spend in there. If everybody spoke out regardless of how silly and stupid or how precise or brilliant the idea, the session would be a success!