I carry out dharma activities and do my sadhanas everyday.
But if my mind does not transform, and obviously that is a personal choice, would that be considered as abandoning the Dharma?
If my mind transforms but I am not so diligent in my Dharma activities, does that also mean I am abandoning Dharma?
Please advice.
If I was in your shoes, I would ask myself three questions:
1. what is my motivation when I do Dharma work and do my sadhanas? the answer that equates with upholding the Dharma can be:
(a) the motivation for a good rebirth,
(b) or for breaking my cycle of rebirths/suffering,
(c) or for breaking my cycle of rebirths/suffering and stop the cycle of suffering of all sentient beings.
This is why one engages into Dharma work.
Any other motivation puts one in a place where Dharma is, while there is no Dharma in that person's heart, thus even if imprints are gained and merit also, the mind does not transform.
2. what is the reason why I feel my mind does not transform?Why am I in a Dharma center, with Dharma brothers and sisters and even have a guru but I find that my mind does not change? Why?
If not because I did not set up my motivation properly as per (a), (b) or (c) above, or because I do not follow the instructions from my Guru?
When the mind does not transform, doubt is cast onto the medicine: Dharma, and potentially Dharma is abandoned, like a non-efficient medicine.
But have I been a good patient? did I take the medicine as prescribed? even the bitter pills that are hard to swallow, did I change the diet as prescribed, did I do my exercises as prescribed, did I trust my doctor in the process, did I show gratitude and trust to the nurses?
To blame the medicine is an easy way out, for we do not need to look at our faults any further.
Thus:
I am sick, and I don't seem to improve and loose faith in the medicine = abandoning Dharma = I will get worse
I am sick, and I don't seem to improve but I keep faith in the medicine = relying on the Dharma = I will get better
This is an analogy only, for maybe sometimes the medicine we take for a mundane illness is not good.
But when we mean Dharma by "medicine", is there any reason to establish the medicine as faulty? and are there reasons to establish the medicine as valid?
If it is valid, then why would it be valid for everybody else but not for me?
That is not logical. So it must be valid for me too.
3. did my mind really transform if this transformation does not translate into actions?Surely, if my mind transforms it translates into actions.
I can see no other possible result of mind transformation.
So did my mind really transform?
One thing is for sure: to participate to this forum is "upholding the Dharma".