How Do You Explain That Life Is Suffering?

[Big Uncle]

I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.

[kurava]

Perhaps we can use a different approach with people who seem to have it all now :-

Tell them they must have done a lot of virtues previously that now they are experiencing all the good things in life. Encourage them to do more so that in the future they may continue with the good life. Good things in life are like interests from Fixed Deposits. If we don't top up the principal, when interests all used up and original deposit gone - we'll end up owing to the bank with huge loan interests to service !

We can then bring in karma at this point.

From my personal experience people who enjoy the good life now are quite fearful of losing it . Instead of convincing them that Life is suffering, encourage them to "safe guard" their good life.

[KhedrubGyatso]

In these days of affluence and science most people are swept away by what money can buy , and what technology can do to improve one's situation. It may be more appropriate to restate the term suffering  as unsatisfactoriness. While we may not relate our life as a suffering one, we cannot deny that we all wish for  it  to be better or improved. We cannot deny there are many things we wished for but did not get. Our problems keep recurring  no matter what we do. It makes no difference whether one has everything or nothing much in life.
It is easier for people to acknowledge that despite worldly achievements, they still do not have complete control over their bodies, others, relationships , life's situations , environment etc. This frustration, is an unpleasant feeling we don't want . It is subtle compared to gross suffering . Nevertheless we can experience it as an irritation or unsatisfactory feeling which disturbs our full enjoyment of life.

[Reena Searl]

Before I involve in dharma activities, I considered my life is suffering because:
1) I am not rich enough to fulfill all my worldly needs
2) No holidays
3) No time for family
4) My partner not rich enough to provide me luxury life
5) Like to compare life with others

Look back, all the above make my life suffers because ALWAYS NOT ENOUGH AND WANTING MORE.....
Nowadays, I will use my own experiences to explain to my friends that life is suffering, even though now i still not a rich person but my mind very sure that I definitely a happier person with dharma practice.

[samayakeeper]

A (Rich and successful non Buddhist): How is it that you spend so much time in pursuit of Buddhism that until now it did not make you rich and successful?


B (Middle income Buddhist practitioner): It is true that I am not financially well off and successful as you are but I am spiritually happy.


A: How can you be happy when you do not have more money? I worked very hard to climb the corporate ladder and with that I got position and a higher pay check. Now, after 20 years I have everything I want. I have a loving wife and three beautiful children and I give them what money can buy. That is happiness.


B: Having more money is good and if I have more I would help others and not just only for me and my family. I do my best to provide for my family, that is my responsibility as a husband and father, but I cannot buy them real happiness. I find real happiness is not just about material things I can buy but I get real satisfaction of joy when I see someone whom I have helped shed tears of joy. I do not just mean helping others financially but it could be there for a friend who is depressed, listening to his woes and giving words of comfort and advice. Or feeding a hungry stray dog on the street and seeing it wagging its tail as it wolfs down the food.

You have worked and toiled for 20 years and you deserved what you have. But you were not born rich. You struggled financially for years and were a slave to the banks. I too was the same as you but now I focus more on helping and serving others.

Buying and having branded labels are just happiness I felt for a short while. Now I rather use the money to buy essential non branded labels and using the balance money not only for me and my family but for others too. This way, should I die tonight I would die knowing that I have done my best for not only my family but for others.


A: I do my bit for charity too. Recently I donated $50 to a half-way house for single mothers.


B: That is good! Please do more, I am sure with what you have you could afford to give more to charity. Give also your time, take your family along. It is good for your children to see the less unfortunate.

Giving is good, giving is generosity. The more you give, the more it will help you to be less selfish and miserly.

Practice morality so that your children may learn from you.

Be more patient to your family and co-workers. They will see the changes in you.

Always be zealous and put in your best effort in your work and family life. Your colleagues and family will appreciate it more.

Be firm in your mind, with objectives and decisions. When you make bad decisions, learn from them and move on.

Then when you get older, you would be more experienced and wiser and would gain more respect and love from your colleagues and family members. And also you could give some words of wisdom to the younger ones.


A: What you just said sounds logical. Is that what Buddhism teaches?


B: Buddhism teaches me how to be a better person and changes my mind to be more positive. But that depends on me whether I want to change or not. I have to put what I learned into practice.
As humans we go through many stages of suffering since birth, physically, emotionally and mentally. Buddhism not only acknowledges this but gives the methods to counter it.


A: Where do you go for classes on Buddhism?

[vajrastorm]

The rich and the beautiful and the famous don't recognize that they are suffering from the pervasive suffering of 'unsatisfactoriness'.
THey endlessly chase after objects of desire thinking that each of these objects would give them the happiness they seek.But nothing gives them lasting happiness and each new object soon becomes 'an old lamp' and dissatisfaction sets in again.At this stage,it is still hard for them to accept the fact that they are suffering; they are so mired in the myriad distractions of this life

THen, one day the bubble to their dream-like existence bursts. THey learn, to their utter shock and bewilderment, that they have an incurable disease. THey have not long to live. THey are in fact moving inexorably towards death and the end of this life. THey desperately seek cures which they think their money can buy.They cannot accept that they are dying .Tremendous suffering, especially mental suffering, now sets in. All the fears and delusions rise to the surface and are magnified. However, it is too late to learn the Dharma and practice it in order to free them from suffering.

It will be good if we can use the skillful means that Kurava has suggested on our friends, if they are receptive to them.Perhaps they can then create enough merits to help them come into Dharma at an earlier more helpful stage. However, the web, that deceptive pleasures and distractions of this life  weaves around us, binds us so strongly that we find it difficult(almost impossible) to get out.

[dondrup]

I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.

We have very strong attachment to samsara.  And due to this we have no desire to attain liberation.  To overcome this attachment it is necessary to see clearly how every aspect of samsara is the nature of suffering.  When we meditate extensively on the 6 general sufferings, 7 specific sufferings and 3 types of sufferings below, we will be able to realise why life is suffering.  With this realisation, we can then abandon our attachment and attain liberation from samsara.

The 6 General Sufferings:
-   Uncertainty
-   Having no satisfaction
-   Having to leave our body over and over again
-   Having to take rebirth over and over again
-   Having to lose status over and over again
-   Having no companionship

The 7 Specific Sufferings:
-   Birth
-   Ageing
-   Sickness
-   Death
-   Having to part with what we like
-   Having to encounter what we do not like
-   Failing to satisfy our desires

The 3 sufferings:
-   Suffering of manifest pain
-   Changing Suffering
-   Pervasive Suffering
   

[WoselTenzin]

I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.

Dear Big Uncle, I guess you just have to wait for the right moment to share and explain Buddhism to them.  If they are your friends and if you spend enough time with them, very likely in time they will share more of their experiences with you, good and bad and based on your what they tell you, you can subtly lace Dharma in your responses to them.  For such people, it's better not to overtly "Dharma talk" them as it can put them off and make them have a bad impression of Buddhism.  In time, when they understand more and ask for more explanation, then more can be explained to them.

[Big Uncle]

Thank you guys for all the amazing explanations you gave here. I think the pervasive answer seem to be about skillfulness and explaining things in terms of unsatisfactoriness of life. I did think about that but the various explanations do explain it very well and in perspectives I never thought about. I do agree that the rich have two persistent 'sufferings' in relations to unsatisfactoriness.

One is that they are easily bored and looking for some sort of excitement or distraction because they have everything in life. The second thing is that they are worried about their wealth and how long they can keep it so many rich people tend to be very wary of people (I don't blame them because many people hover around them hoping to get something from them) and they also tend to hoard their wealth. Perhaps these are two that I can use as examples in how spirituality and specifically the Dharma can help them.

[ratanasutra]

i think people know that life is suffering as they can see from people surround them and problem in society, unfortunately they have everything in order and never experience those suffering.

To make them realize that life is suffering, one of the way you can take them to participate in activities to help people who need help and moral support ie poor people, orphanage, people who been abandon or handicap people.

This might bring them emotion and think about other instead only think about themself only..

[Barzin]

Let's see the level of sufferings.  To us might be health problems, financial issues, relationships, depression, then what about those who are born deformed, with illness, ugly, without education, without parents, who are homeless, those who don't have friends.  Aren't they all consider suffering?

Those "bold and the beautiful" had their hangs up too?  Afraid of losing what they already have, that beautiful Porche, that Rolex watch, that beautiful wife, her amazing body, that little spoiled brat and friends who hang around for benefits... aren't they all suffering?

I am not saying that there is no happiness in Buddhism but from what I understand is that you can still have what you already have and be satisfied and happy about it and yet add a subject of spiritualism to enrich your life.  I guess by understanding more in life, we can actually take control of our own happiness.

[Klein]

I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.

Dear Big Uncle, I guess you just have to wait for the right moment to share and explain Buddhism to them.  If they are your friends and if you spend enough time with them, very likely in time they will share more of their experiences with you, good and bad and based on your what they tell you, you can subtly lace Dharma in your responses to them.  For such people, it's better not to overtly "Dharma talk" them as it can put them off and make them have a bad impression of Buddhism.  In time, when they understand more and ask for more explanation, then more can be explained to them.

I agree. There's no point giving our friends dharma talks and telling them about Dorje Shugden in hopes that they'll be convinced to do the practice. When life's good, there's no urgency and or need to look into spiritual growth. In the meantime, just be friends and get to know each other better. When your friends have some problems with their relationships, career and so on, talk to them without using Buddhist jargons. Only when they ask for help, do you introduce them to Dorje Shugden's practice.

Religion is always a sensitive issue and is very personal. If we are too gung ho, we'll scare away our friends. The best way to influence our friends to do the practice is to transform ourselves in ways that will inspire them.

[Damian.D]

Yup Klein agree with you totally on that and have experienced it with family and friends before. In the beginning we start out all passionate like we have the answer to all our lives problems. Maybe you have had a realisation or two but these do not cover nor help dispel our karma which we still have with the people close to us.

They won't listen unless they see adequate change in the perceptions they hold of us. Having said that if we don't share skillfully then they miss out on an opportunity to even see the image of  Buddha Dorje Shugden. I mean, just to make that appraisal without even trying is not Dharma. I would suspect it would be negative karma if we were holding vows to stop ourselves sharing dharma with others.

[dorjedakini]

I agree. There's no point giving our friends dharma talks and telling them about Dorje Shugden in hopes that they'll be convinced to do the practice. When life's good, there's no urgency and or need to look into spiritual growth. In the meantime, just be friends and get to know each other better. When your friends have some problems with their relationships, career and so on, talk to them without using Buddhist jargons. Only when they ask for help, do you introduce them to Dorje Shugden's practice.

Religion is always a sensitive issue and is very personal. If we are too gung ho, we'll scare away our friends. The best way to influence our friends to do the practice is to transform ourselves in ways that will inspire them.

Hi Klein,

I agree and disagree with what you have mentioned.

When we tirelessly share and introduce Dharma and Shugden to them, whether they practice or not, the seed in planted, some blessing has went into their mind stream for the right time to be ripen. So there IS a point to introduce to them, but we should be skillful in introducing and not pushing them too much if they did not accept at the first place, but we have to always be ready for them when they need help even they rejected us when we introduced to them. We should not feel bad if we are rejected too.

If we don't, we took away the chance for them to get connected with Dharma. But if they have other religion belief then it is another story.

I do agree with you that the more effective way to spread the Dharma is we ourselves practice and inspire them and when we talk it will be more convincing.

[whitelion]

I have friends who seem to have it all. They have money, looks, loved ones, career and friends. Then they look at Buddhism, which says life is suffering. How do you explain Buddhism to these people without sounding too pompous and overpowering with impermanence, death and karma? I need to get to them to understand the preliminary before I would even bring in the subject of propitiating Dorje Shugden.

They can have everything they want, but if one's still feel disappointment, angry, jealous, sad, worry or unhappy even that's only 1 time in their life, it's proven they are still suffering in this world. If all the worldly value such as wealth, relationship, health, or appearance can bring real happiness, they should not have any other emotion but only happiness after they owned all these ; they should only feel happy and no worries at all in their life, since they have everything. But if they still experiencing emotion up and down, no matter what they have from the outside, they are still suffering inside. All the worldly value can brings happiness but it's very short term. Since it's short term, which means they need to spent a lot of time to "replenish" it, which will bring suffering again.
This is my thought, what do you think ?