Would you marry someone that is another religions ?

[Q]

You're missing one selection... 'I'm not going to marry' choice haha...

Well, in my opinion... Difference in religion should not be a problem unless one of the partner tries to dominate by forcing his/her believe onto the other partner. If such a thing does not happen, then I believe it can be a happy union.

arh , the sys does'n let me add in more than 5 choices , 'I'm not going to marry' is a good one !

you see, you partner might not try to dominate by forcing you to believe onto the other partner's religious but it will definitely have different point of view on each believe . when you have strong faith with you guru/buddha , will you wish to share with your partner/soulmate because you know it will definitely benefit them ?

to me , the best is to practice alone as 'I'm not going to marry' or  the partner that have same believe as you

Well... i understand what you mean. But think about this:

I understand that some practitioners can be very enthusiastic and want to share their faith/religion with their partner... and that's good, very good. However, if the partner already have a fixed religion which he/she practices... it is not nice to 'share' our believes with our partner. There are many reasons, some are:

1) if we have strong faith in Guru, and practice well... tolerance is like our brother
2) When we try to share or force our faith with a partner that is already loyal to one religion, that means we don't respect our partner's choice of religion and the religion itself.
3) it also shows we're being self-centred and egoistic because we want our faith to be the right one... or else, why not we join the other religion instead?
4) We shouldn't preach the Dharma in cases like this, as I believe it will disturb the receiver's mind... But if we truly love our partner whom holds a different believe, we can teach them the Dharma in a more 'self-help' way rather than as a religious practice.

Just my 2 cents worth... =)

[hope rainbow]

How interesting a lunch I had today.
This very topic came up and I was with 4 christians and one muslim.

NOBODY wanted to believe that inter-faith marriage was possible but me.
In fact, at one point I was told that for me, being a buddhist, it was "ok" to live with someone of another faith, but that it would be much more complicated for someone of another faith to mix...

??&^%#??? ... Go figure...

[Positive Change]

How interesting a lunch I had today.
This very topic came up and I was with 4 christians and one muslim.

NOBODY wanted to believe that inter-faith marriage was possible but me.
In fact, at one point I was told that for me, being a buddhist, it was "ok" to live with someone of another faith, but that it would be much more complicated for someone of another faith to mix...

??&^%#??? ... Go figure...

I cannot believe that this still exist in this day an age. What a degenerate time this is... Unbelievable! Aren't all religions suppose to teach tolerance, compassion, love and acceptance? The very basis of spirituality? Sigh... and here we are judging one based on one's religious beliefs...

I understand how one can see the "work" needed or "trouble" that can come into play but surely we can look at the similarities rather than the differences. This is the key in keeping a harmonious union. In fact I believe it can be very beneficial for children with parents of different faiths as they learn more from each parent and the different religions. My father is taoist/atheist and my mother is catholic/christian and for me it was cool as I was able to be exposed to both and not so blinkered!

[shugdentruth]

I think its not so much the religion but more the person. There are ppl of different religions happily married and there are ppl of the same religion very unhappily married.

[Positive Change]

I think its not so much the religion but more the person. There are ppl of different religions happily married and there are ppl of the same religion very unhappily married.

This is so true Shugdentruth... it is the person and not the religion. I can see how theywould "hide" behind that and use it in a delusional angle to make themselves think the incompatibility lies in the religion but in actual fact it lies within oneself!

I think this applies to all facets of our lives where we do tend to "hide" behind something, someone, or an ideal larger than ourselves in the hopes we get some "credibility" from "association". Of course it is in varying degrees and does not apply to all... but it certainly provokes some thought!

[Aurore]

My thoughts - it all depends on the different types of people and how deep their "spirituality" is.

Type 1: I have a religion but I don't practice.
"As long as he/she accepts my faith as I accept his/her faith and not try to convert each other then it's fine". This is the common thinking in most people, it's workable.

Type 2: I have a religion, I practice, I accept.
An inter-religion marriage should not have any issues because the spiritual path teaches one to accept others and their beliefs.

Type 3: I have a religion, I am full-on practicing and I want to be of benefit to others.
Working toward benefitting others is a long term  and can be a full of commitment. Can your partner take it? The chances are if one's partner is of the same religion, the person may eventually go towards the same goal. For example, in certain countries, if you marry a Muslim, you will need to convert to become a Muslim. Would you be able to do it if you are a deep dharma practitioner? I personally wouldn't. It's just inconvenient and make things more difficult than it already is.

On the other hand, you can marry or be with someone who believes in the same faith yet the person can bring you away from your practice. The whole point of a relationship is to bring each other up and not to drag each other down. That is the best way to judge one's relationship.

[Manjushri]

Personally speaking, I would marry someone that is of another religion, because to me, religion is there to promote harmony, love, respect, kindness, care towards one another. There are many people who are together, of the same religion, who themselves face so many problems in their marriage, and on the other hand, there are many people, who of different religious backgrouds, are together, and still have an enduring marriage.

To me, the subject of focus here is not about the religion, but about the relationship that have been fostered between the two, with an influence from each of their personalities and characteristics. I know of a couple, one is Buddhist, one is Christian, who each have their altars on their side of the beds, and they have a well respected and loving relationship, where they each respect one another and everything that comes with it including their individual religious believes.

If I were to marry, say, a muslim, and had to convert my faith to being a muslim, if my core values learnt whilst being Buddhist is instilled within me, and am able to foster a respectful relationship of loving kindness towards my spouse, wouldn't that be beautiful too? If from my actions, my spouse becomes a better person, then like I say, it is what you uphold, than what you believe in. As long as you know who you are inside, then Buddhist, Christian, Muslim, or Jew, whatever your religion is, you are ultimately practising universal religion, which is compassion, respect, genorisity, kindness, love and peace. 

[WisdomBeing]

I think it also depends on the depth of each spiritual practitioner. I know Christians who are just Christian by name and they get along with anyone, and I know other Christians who are quite adamant that their religion is the only religion and therefore nobody else is on the right path and people of other religions are destined to go to hell. My experience is that this is a similar attitude across the Abrahamic monotheistic faiths – Moslems, Christians and Jews. It’s not right or wrong, but the core of their faith. Therefore we cannot blame them for not tolerating other faiths because that is what their faith appears to encourage.

I had a Moslem guy working in my office a few years ago and he was telling me that on judgment day, the Moslems had to kill all infidels, which were all non-Moslems. So I asked him point blank – so you’d kill me? And he earnestly said yes he had to. That was pretttttttty scary.  So when there are such differences in idealogy, I do believe it is difficult to have strong interfaith relationships between some people and yes it is very much dependent on the person.

[hope rainbow]

I had a Moslem guy working in my office a few years ago and he was telling me that on judgment day, the Moslems had to kill all infidels, which were all non-Moslems. So I asked him point blank – so you’d kill me? And he earnestly said yes he had to. That was pretttttttty scary.  So when there are such differences in idealogy, I do believe it is difficult to have strong interfaith relationships between some people and yes it is very much dependent on the person.

There is an interesting site about Islam and Buddhism here:

http://www.berzinarchives.com/web/en/archives/study/islam/general/buddhist_islamic_view.html

[kurava]

Dear HR,
I know it's scary that we still find it hard to marry and live harmoniously with a person of different faith.

Think about this :

In the beginning , he/she might be attracted to you physically; as your relationship develops he/she might start wanting to "save" you. The tension and friction will inevitably arise if you persistently refused "salvation".
How to reconcile this difference with someone who views you as heathen, destined to burn in hell for eternity ?

[hope rainbow]

Dear HR,
I know it's scary that we still find it hard to marry and live harmoniously with a person of different faith.

Think about this :

In the beginning , he/she might be attracted to you physically; as your relationship develops he/she might start wanting to "save" you. The tension and friction will inevitably arise if you persistently refused "salvation".
How to reconcile this difference with someone who views you as heathen, destined to burn in hell for eternity ?

Thanks Kurava.
Unfortunately, I never meant to say that an inter-faith couple always works.
And I say: unfortunately.

What I say is that it should work.

Without any dis-respect intended, anyone of any faith that believes that the cause for burning in hell lies in the Buddhist faith or Christian faith or Muslim faith (etc...) has gotten a wrong understanding of what the causes for burning in hell are.

As a Buddhist, we do not consider that being a Christian, or have faith in God brings one to hell.
Not at all, on the contrary, as Buddhists, we can validate the fact that by relying on a God and by practicing the precepts of compassion, forgiveness, kindness, altruism and love one creates the causes to go to "Heaven".

(and I know many Christians, many Hindu and many Muslims that will not agree with the idea that Buddhism brings people to Hell; in fact I don't know any one who thinks like that)

So one practitioner practices compassion, love, altruism, generosity, patience, selflessness, kindness and creates the causes to go to Heaven, and another one does just the same thing and creates the causes to go to a Pure Land.
What's the difference?

How can practicing the same qualities but with a Buddhist framework be causes for hell, when it is causes for Heaven when done with a Christian / Muslim framework?
This is illogical.

And if a Christian thinks that a Buddhist Pure Land is a Christian Hell, I say: ??#@^%$!!?? (*)

Some practitioners have as a practice to convert practitioners of other faiths to their own.
Why? Nobody needs to convert practitioners of any spiritual faiths, it is a waste of time.

The effort of conversion is intended to be directed towards the practitioners of the faith in money, faith in reputation, faith in consumerism, faith in holidays, faith in friends, faith in food, faith in clothing, faith in  entertainment, and faiths in any type of object that is un-reliable.

If we care for others that have faith in the un-reliable, then I agree, we should put effort and show them that their faith is directed at an un-reliable object. That is conversion effort well directed.

If within a couple, one has faith and the other is atheist, then conversion is a pretty good idea.
Conversion, not through preaching and scaring tactics, but conversion through example, through practice, through results.

And maybe the Christian partner can, through example, inspire his/her partner to engage onto a Spiritual journey, and it could even be a Spiritual journey of another tradition.

As the Dalai Lama said many times: "it does not matter what religious tradition you come from for as long as you practice it!"

So inter-faith couple may not always work, but the cause for this failure does not stem from the spiritual practice, it stems from close-mindedness and mis-understanding.

That is my view.

(*) translates as "go meditate on that seriously!"

[vajratruth]

Marrying someone of the same religion is not necessarily the formula for a success union, nor marrying someone of a different religion a recipe for failure. We see daily all around that marriages and relationships break down for all kinds of reasons not only religion.

With no disrespect to anyone, the world is bursting with "half-past-six" practitioners of all kinds of religion and they can even use the difference in religion as the reason for the collapse of a relationship.

In truth, if a couple belong to different religions but truly understand and embrace the spirituality in each of religion, they can easily find a common ground to worship their respective ways and coexist as a couple.  At its CORE, all religions have more in common than they have differences. I stressed the word CORE because at it core, all religions teaches the same i.e. love, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance. It is only when get entangled in the superficialities that things get jammed.

Having said all that, there are combinations of religion pairings that may be easier than others. I see Buddhism as "neutral" and as being able to pair with any religion. Fundamentally Buddhism is not about telling other people that they got the wrong"god" or there is no god.

As a Buddhist, i can accept anyone from any faith even if that person accuses me of worshiping the devil. The things is, I know the truth so why bother getitng unruffled?

[Positive Change]

So inter-faith couple may not always work, but the cause for this failure does not stem from the spiritual practice, it stems from close-mindedness and mis-understanding.

I think this one statement says it all really! How we relate to another person/persons is "condensed" into the question posed in this thread. Makes us think and where our very state of mind lies. Do we accept differences or frown upon them? Do we accept similarities or do we discount them? Are we open to perceptions other then our own?

If we cannot even get along on this very fundamental point with the person of whom we are in love with and want to marry, how then can we even contemplate getting along with others? Points to ponder huh!

[Amitabha]

it depends on the level of understanding as buddhism is all-embracing loving kindness, benevolence, tolerance because it is no self.

[RedLantern]

In Buddhism, marriage is regarded as entirely a personal individual concern and not a religious duty. There is no religious law in Buddhism. So therefore i am open to marriage to different faith. Married couples of different faith have to be tolerant of each other's religion. Religion should not be a barrier for a marriage to last.