L-O-V-E <3

[negra orquida]

I was at a Dharma class today and one of the things we briefly went over was on "love".  There are 4 types of love:

1. Desirous love (arising from attachment)
2. Affectionate love
3. Cherishing love
4. Wishing love

Love #2 - 4 are pure types of love.

"Love" is a common theme in songs, movies, tv series, stories, poems etc, in fact it is almost always a key ingredient to these audio and visual entertainment.  However more often than not, the type of love portrayed in these shows and songs seem to come with a lot of struggle and suffering and heartache.  So it seems that most people relate to love which arises out of attachment.  Even a mother's love for her child will be mixed with attachment.  Here is an example of one view on "love" (a quote from Neil Gaiman):

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

Pure love should always bring happiness, not pain and suffering. So what are the ways which we can use to practice loving others purely?

[Gypsy]

LOVE is so universal, everyone practices it in their daily lives. I wonder how many can really practice the #2-4 pure love? When you get into relationship, actually that's the start of suffering. Why suffering? Because most of the love derived from attachment, not to say all, i suppose 90%.

We all know that love can be beautiful, on the other hand it can be destructive too. If we don't practice it well and out of pure motivation, love can turn into something horrible like the article mentioned: "It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips--you-apart pain."

We often see suicide news on the paper, 8/10 cases are caused by love. Most of the people are blinded by love because they are too attached.

At our level, the least we can do to cultivate pure love within ourselves and to others is to practice how to give, when u r a pure giver, you don't expect and there goes no disappointment, no disappointment then no sorrow or pain that lead to fight.

[Amitabha]

Buddha dharma is non dualism of love purely. It is to develop peaceful environment in your surrounding. 

[Galen]

The saying goes "Love is only Love, when you give it away". This speaks about not having attachment to the love you give to people and not expecting anything back in return. That is Love! Problems always start when there is a certain expectation and is not fulfilled. When you give love away, then it will grow in other people.

It is when you give your love to other people without expecting their love back, then you have experienced pure love. You want the other person to be happy instead of yourself. Easier said than done but we must keep on going and give love.

[hope rainbow]

LOVE is so universal, everyone practices it in their daily lives.
I wonder how many can really practice the #2-4 pure love?
When you get into relationship, actually that's the start of suffering.
Why suffering? Because most of the love derived from attachment, not to say all, I suppose 90%.

90%?
Do you mean we all have 10% of pure love OR there are 10% of people that have developed love without attachment?

Love with attachment means we have developed equanimity, a mind free from anger and attachment.
When someone has achieved a mind of equanimity, does it mean that he does not love his mother more nor less than an ant?
And so, if one can give his life for his mother, would one give his life for an ant on the ground of equanimity?

[Klein]

"Pure love should always bring happiness, not pain and suffering. So what are the ways which we can use to practice loving others purely?"

Two ways I can think of to practise pure love are:
1. Volunteering in a charity. Making a positive difference to the less fortunate.
2. Doing dharma work whether full time or part time.

These methods allow us the opportunity to benefit others without having to know them. We just do it because we want the people to be better off and nothing else. I believe this is pure love or in other words, unconditional love.

[pgdharma]

#2-4 is pure love. As quoted by H.H. The Dalai Lama: "Your cultivation of love and great compassion should not be left in a state of mere imagination or wish alone; rather, a sense of responsibility, a genuine intention to engage in the task of relieving sentient beings of their sufferings and providing them with happiness."

In order to put this into practice, we should do virtuous actions to benefit others. Virtuous actions can be supporting a dharma institution, doing dharma work and prayers and dedicate to the well being of sentient beings.

Pure love or unconditional love is love without attachments and expectations. As the saying goes, "The seeds of kindness that you plant today, will one day bloom in the hearts of all that you touch."

This is easier said than done, but we have to start from small and work towards achieving it.

[Tammy]

"Pure love should always bring happiness, not pain and suffering. So what are the ways which we can use to practice loving others purely?"

Two ways I can think of to practise pure love are:
1. Volunteering in a charity. Making a positive difference to the less fortunate.
2. Doing dharma work whether full time or part time.

These methods allow us the opportunity to benefit others without having to know them. We just do it because we want the people to be better off and nothing else. I believe this is pure love or in other words, unconditional love.

Dear Klein,

In my humbel opinion, volunteering in charity and/or doing dharma work may not necessarily equal to practicing pure love; a volunteer who gives his time and money to perform charitable acts may do this for HIMSELF, I mean his motivation could be for his OWN merit collection, trying to redeem him from past sins, etc etc,.... same for those involve in dharma activities.

My point - we have to be selfless and stop thinking about ourselves to practice pure love. We should focus on OTHERS instead of OURSELVES in whatever 'good deeds' that we perform - this is pure love

[Klein]

"Pure love should always bring happiness, not pain and suffering. So what are the ways which we can use to practice loving others purely?"

Two ways I can think of to practise pure love are:
1. Volunteering in a charity. Making a positive difference to the less fortunate.
2. Doing dharma work whether full time or part time.

These methods allow us the opportunity to benefit others without having to know them. We just do it because we want the people to be better off and nothing else. I believe this is pure love or in other words, unconditional love.

Dear Klein,

In my humbel opinion, volunteering in charity and/or doing dharma work may not necessarily equal to practicing pure love; a volunteer who gives his time and money to perform charitable acts may do this for HIMSELF, I mean his motivation could be for his OWN merit collection, trying to redeem him from past sins, etc etc,.... same for those involve in dharma activities.

My point - we have to be selfless and stop thinking about ourselves to practice pure love. We should focus on OTHERS instead of OURSELVES in whatever 'good deeds' that we perform - this is pure love

Dear Tammy,

What I suggested is a possible method of practising pure love. Whether the person practising is sincere about being selfless is the person's choice. Just like doing dharma work is one of the many methods of practising pure love. However, if the person does it out of looking good, wanting recognition, for romantic pursuits and other reasons other than solely for benefitting others, then it also defeats the purpose of practising pure love.

My point is we can practise pure love as long as we are sincere about our choice. The rest is just the mechanics.

[negra orquida]

Does it seem easier to love a pet more "unconditionally" compared to loving another human unconditionally? Why / why not?

[Gypsy]

I agree with Tammy on this:

"My point - we have to be selfless and stop thinking about ourselves to practice pure love. We should focus on OTHERS instead of OURSELVES in whatever 'good deeds' that we perform - this is pure love"

SELFLESS is another thing we need to practice!

[diamond girl]

I find this thread really amusing...even as the discussion is going on, there is a slant towards desirous love already...

What I am understanding here is that even our views are reflecting love with an attachment of some sort... I do agree and believe with what DL said about love and also the fact that love is painful when it is loaded with attachments i.e. in the cases of relationships with partners, it is loaded with expectations so high we lose sight of what love is. Love is not fulfilling expectations. Love is about giving and feeling good giving love. It really has nothing to do with the recipient of the love. If the recipient reciprocates then fantastic! We celebrate but if he/she does not, move on. The fact that you have loved and can love, that is the celebration of life. And love is universal, and to some extent with all the movies, songs and books - Love is over rated and played too much on the dramas of love.

Love in itself is simple and plain. And when it is not filled with the attachments of expectations, it will then only be bliss. We complicate love... Sad.

[negra orquida]

Indeed Diamond Girl, many of us associate "love" with desirous love.. generally this is sugar coated to be called "romantic love".

Romantic or desirous love is such a powerful driving force... so many of us are chasing after it, using it... but it is like sea water... the more we drink the more thirsty we become... and probably get ill from it!

Recently before Valentine's Day, I turned on the radio and this talk by Helen Fisher called "the Brain In Love" was on.  I only caught the end part of it.  I found it very interesting... many of the questions she posed at the end of the talk and have yet to find answers to could be answered by Karma, and by understanding what is attachment.
The video and text of the talk can be found here: http://www.sweetspeeches.com/s/2-helen-fisher-helen-fisher-studies-the-brain-in-love

I think one of the important ingredients for pure love is to first develop equanimity... if we can see all beings as equal, then we can love everyone whole heartedly without bias.

[Jessie Fong]

((LOVE is so universal, everyone practices it in their daily lives. I wonder how many can really practice the #2-4 pure love? When you get into relationship, actually that's the start of suffering. Why suffering? Because most of the love derived from attachment, not to say all, i suppose 90%. ))

Love is in all of us .. it's when we start being bias that the practice of giving love becomes suffering.  Even animals give love and they respond very well to love, giving unconditionally.  Ask anyone who has a dog at home, he will tell you unending stories of happy times. 

When love is unconditional, we do not expect anything in return.  That should be the way of live -- giving without expecting in return.

Hysteric Gypsy :: I agree with you on that part of suffering on love derived from attachment,

[Manjushri]

For me, the only way to practise loving purely is to extend your love out from the people in your family to the people surrounding you, then to others. When you love, without expecting anything in return, that love is pure. When you love, unselfishly, that is pure. When you love others naturally, that is pure. When you love others, and take on everything so that they do not suffer, that is pure.

Sadly, pure love is going downhill, because nowadays, even parents love their kids with an alterior motive. Yes, it can be the best love in the world, but, mostly, it is also for other reasons.

If only loving others was so simple. There would be no war in the world.