A dying person last wishes.

[vajraD]

Do you think is important to grant the last wishes of a person whom is dieing? When you know that they are not difficult follow or to do.

If not follow. Do you think the person will have no peace when they pass away?

Why I ask these questions above is because recently I have attended a funeral and there was a lot of arguments, fight, misunderstanding and disharmony during the whole event of the funeral and even up to the day when the ashes is collected.

What can we do or the family do during these 49 days to make sure the decease is in peace.

[Carpenter]

Granting the last wishes is not difficult, but when they are passing on, what matters most is not granting their wish, it is doing a prayer for their better rebirth, because by just granting someone’s wish will not have that power for their good rebirth.

We fight, we argue, when the person just died, they will not be able to leave peacefully, because 49 days are the period they will take rebirth, the key is to stay harmony, care for each other, lighting candle for 49 days, have strong faith to your protector and do a good prayer to dedicate for them, for their good rebirth.

We can fight for many things, we can be everything or anything we want in life, but at the time of death, all these are not important anymore, because all these do not belong to us, even the body is not ours, don’t need to mention about the material items.

It is just a token of my thought.

[bambi]

I have learned that when the person pass away, we should not be disturbing the body immediately nor do unnecessary actions that will make the deceased feel he is still needed. That way the deceased will continue to linger on hence becoming a spirit. This is because when they die, their consciousness may still be near the body.
During the 49 days, we can offer candles, chant Om Mani Peme Hum mantras (as much as you can), protector's mantra (as much as you can) and dedicate to them to have a good rebirth and be able to receive the Dharma in future lives. You can also place holy texts above their head in the coffin during the wake.
Life is already so short yet people are still arguing over small matters... When they too die, it won't matter anymore, only Karma stays with us...

[triesa]

Why I ask these questions above is because recently I have attended a funeral and there was a lot of arguments, fight, misunderstanding and disharmony during the whole event of the funeral and even up to the day when the ashes is collected.

What can we do or the family do during these 49 days to make sure the decease is in peace.

This is really samsara.......I dont say it in a sarcastic way and with any disrespect. I am quite sure the arguements within the family might have come out of a good intention also, like one said this should be done this way and the other thought it would be better in another way. No matter how their intentions were meant for the good sake for the deceased, or just trying to be Mr Right, the arguements and disharmony created definitely did not help the deceased to move on at all.

Knowledge is useful, knowledge is powerful. In Buddhism, the first chapter in lamrim is on death meditation. It is like we start everything when we are actually prepareing for the final moment....death.

For people who do not have the fortunate opportunity to prepare their lives for this last moment, the best their family can do is to dedicate as much merits as possible to the deceased....this can be achieved by conducting pujas, offering lights & incense and reciting Om Mani Padme Hung for 49 days to dedicate for a swift and good human rebirth for the deceased. Of course there is no guarantee, as it also depends on the karma of the deceased. I think that is the best gift the family can do for the deceased.

[pgdharma]

If it is not too difficult to follow then it is alright to follow the dying person’s last wishes so that the dying person can leave peacefully.  But the wishes must be fulfilled in harmony amongst the family.

It is very bad to argue and create a disharmony environment at the time of death as the consciousness of the dead person will still be in around and cannot let go if there are disharmony and may take rebirth as spirit. It is good to do pujas,  recite prayers, mantras and offer lights and dedicate to the deceased for a good rebirth.

[Positive Change]

I believe the last wishes of a dying person is important naturally as it gives them peace of mind before the pass... and when they go peacefully their last thing on their mind wont be the nagging wish not done which would push the person into a less desirable rebirth.

It is at the moment of death when it is most important therefore whatever we cultivate through your practice while living we are actually training our mind to leave our bodies peacefully! That I believe is the key. If we have too many "worries" at the time of death we will most certainly come back in the spirit realm and "haunt" our love ones.

So yes, I do believe a dying person's last wishes are important to be carried out. That said, of course it has to be within reason too!

[Galen]

If it is not too difficult to follow then it is alright to follow the dying person’s last wishes so that the dying person can leave peacefully.  But the wishes must be fulfilled in harmony amongst the family.

It is very bad to argue and create a disharmony environment at the time of death as the consciousness of the dead person will still be in around and cannot let go if there are disharmony and may take rebirth as spirit. It is good to do pujas,  recite prayers, mantras and offer lights and dedicate to the deceased for a good rebirth.

I agree with pgdharma on fulfilling the last wishes of the deceased so that he/she can leave peacefully and have a good rebirth. We do not want them to hang around and cannot let go because their wishes are not yet met. Then they may become a lingering soul who can't take rebirth. Definitely do not want that to happen.

The best is to maintain harmony in the family so that the soul can leave in peace within the 49 days. Then they can fight all they want. hehe.

[Reena Searl]

I think is very important to fulfill a dying person last wishes.
Give the person a lot of reassurance and have a peaceful mind is very important.
Death is rarely the primary thing that people fear most  later in life. Rather, most  people don't want to be a burden on their family, nor do they want to be in pain.
 
To me, take the time to let the dying person know how much you value him/her and how grateful you are for the opportunity to spend  this last time together.

Everyone has regrets - things they wish they'd  done, old rifts they wish they'd healed, places they wish they'd seen. It's not always possible to fulfill last wishes for a dying person, but sometimes you  can.   So it's worth asking if there's anything you can do.

[Jessie Fong]

It has been said that if the dying person's wishes are not fulfilled, he may not die a peaceful death and may end up as an angry spirit. 

I guess it all depends on how difficult it will be to meet his wishes, and if they are practical at all.  But what would be more important is to ensure that he goes away in peace; surviving family members should not argue as this only makes the situation more sad than it already is.  This will not help the deceased in any way.

[Tenzin K]

I think the key thing in this subject is for the dying person to have a good rebirth.

By saying so, we have to look after the mind of the dying person which to let him have a peaceful mind and also the family members around the dying person. The family members need to be brief in order to understand and to support. Whatever left can be arrange or discuss later but during the 49 crucial periods is to generate as much merit and possible is to dedicate to the dying person for his good rebirth.

We can do prayers (Medicine Buddha/Lord Shugden), offering candle, offering to the Sangha/Monastery, be vegetarian, and so many more. All these are best to done within the 49 days.

[vajraD]

Thank you all for your sharing and advice.

Is a very simple wish. The person just wants to have her funeral done in the 4th son house where she used to stay. She moves to live in a new single story house as she has walking problem. All the children heard her request and said yes and the siblings told the 1st son but he said no because it is not convenient for people as they needs to travel and etc. Well the house is just 20min away. When she passes away he didn’t want to pick up any of the siblings call because he don’t want to follow the request. Finally the siblings said up to him.

Some of her children belief that she didn’t went in peace as there were multiple arguments and some of the family members of other faith says because the others are praying to the devil and that causes all the problem. I remember sitting next to the coffin on the floor doing my prayer the second day when one of her children pray so loudly at the window of the coffin asking her not to listen to the devil. When I heard that I thought to raise my voice of my prayer but with much consideration I just retain my voice and continue with my prayers. If the person do not want to convert when they are still alive and conscious why keep stuffing/forcing it them to convert or to belief what they belief.

On the other hand have arranged Medicine Buddha Pujas to be done for her on the 7th day and 49th in a Buddhist Centre. At the same time there are less then a hand full of people are doing Chenrezig mantra and offer candle to be dedicated to her. Hopefully she can have a good and swift rebirth.

[ratanasutra]

It so sad to hear that even after people whom we love pass away we still fighting to do as we wish without thinking about other or follow dead person wish. Its very obviously show how selfish of their mind.

Whole life of high lamas are to bring benefit to people even until they die. Layman like us only bring unhappy, disharmony, uncare, problem etc to people around us even when we die and after we dead..
If the family member understand the essence of it and follow buddha teaching, there will be a only a harmony, love, caring and understand each other in this difficulty time and they will only looking for the way to do to dedicate merit for their love one who pass on to have a swift rebirth in a human body at the place that can learn Dharma in young age..  Ignorant really bring us down and pull us away from Dharma..
 
I hope the dead person will not attached and upset which what happened until she cant let go and born  in other realms.
 

[Midakpa]

If possible, one should fulfill a dying person's last wish. The children should consider it as part of filial piety to do so. It is a pity that conflicts due to pride etc. have stood in the way of fulfilling the mother's wish. I wish there were more schools teaching Buddhist values to children from young so that they grow up with values such as filial piety, gratitude, respect for the elders and a strong belief in karma.

[thor]

To fulfill the wishes of the dying would be good to do, mostly because it will take their mind off worldly concerns at that critical time. The motivation behind this, as others have said, is so that thoughts of material and worldly concerns do not cause a transition to a lower rebirth. For those walking the spiritual path, it is easier to make this transition as they would have learned to think of their guru, yidam and all things spiritual at the time of death. Those who are more fortunate may even have learned and practiced powa, making the transition to a good rebirth even easier.

However for those who are not trained or worse - not spiritual in the least - the best thing we can do for them is to assure them that all loved ones will be cared for, relieve them of any anger/hatred/jealousy they may have, and focus their minds on higher thoughts.

Death is merely a journey - they have to walk it

[DSFriend]

As Buddhist, we practice on a daily basis to reduce any form of harm, be it harmful thoughts or actions towards others. This practice requires us to obviously think about the welfare of others instead of putting ourselves before others.

At the time during the passing of a loved one, it is most difficult to let go… It is the most important time for the person who is about to pass on but the living never fails to make it all about them again, about what their deep sadness with losing a dear one, about the funeral arrangements they had to do, about the inheritance which is soon to be divided etc. It is hard to think about the welfare of the dying person when we have not been doing it on a daily basis.

So I’m not surprised that just to fulfill the wishes of a dying person as simple as it could be will become a complicated affair. Keeping peace and harmony will be come a great feat to accomplish because sadly.. the self has not learnt to care for anyone else.