What happen to HARMONY?

[Carpenter]

I agree with Tammy, people come to Church is to find peace, to find a place to learn the teaching, they are not here to seek for trouble / problem. No one wants problem.

No doubt, we have flaws, we are not perfect, but is this an excuse for us to continue behave like this? If everyone in the church is happily acting as whom we are just like before coming into the church, then why are we here? Where is the transformation? The image we portray to the new people is, the teaching you get in this church is not effective?

For someone who is new to spiritualism, they will not understand so much, yes, this could be only 1 – 2 person in the church acting this way, but you know what? From the eye of outsider, even it is only 1 – 2 person, but a senior already represent the centre, because they are the one we will go to when we have problem, so, with such senior, how can I go to him/her again when there is doubts?

[diamond girl]

Having harmony is not merely in actions or if we are shouting or if we are cold... Harmony is a choice and if chosen needs much determination to develop, nurture and practice... In general, people have a fixed judgement and expectation that a place of worship (church, temple, mosque and what not) is a place where is everything is calm and serene... This is not the case as long as the practitioners are human who come with the baggage of issues.

Harmony is a mindset and choice and must be so even outside of a holy place. The sense of harmony may perhaps be rare in today's world since we are afterall surrounded by stressed people, depressed people and angersome people... The side effects of life's suffering. I strongly believe that Harmony is key to many problems we face today.

At work, if we have an attitude for harmony, we would not let difference of opinions get personal and take it out on each other.  At home, if we have harmony family members are more tolerant and patient with one another. Of course in church we will not shout at one another... All this we agree, yes?

Now, because there is just some people that do not get kindness and even take advantage of it, do you just keep quiet because of harmony? Would it serve this person? Sometimes different methods which may not "look" harmonious is needed to "break" the selfish habit. What is the motivation? If the motivation of a person is for my good and I am a selfish being, I would like someone to shout at me till I wake up. Then I would have the harmony with people in my life because someone cared to scream at me to get me better.

[ratanasutra]

there are many things to view for this situation.

As a senior member of church or whatever organization, we should NOT think that we are in power as we are senior and we have right to do anything. People respect senior because of actions not because of how long we have been there or in service.
And how many people will be inspire or go away, one of the factor is the senior. If the senior, not nature junior and some more act not correctly, instead of junior want to continure and participate in the church, junior will be chase away by those wrongly actions.

As a junior member of church or whatever organiztion, we should not just give up in our spiritual path easily, since we have observe this church and etc so don't just let one or two persons whom not act correctly demotivate us to not participate or leave from this church as our goal is bigger and higher than that. Don't let small issue stop us to go a great things.

As a friend of junior, we should talk with junior to let them see the different views of this situation which will help to change their mind to loose trust in religion.

If in buddhist i will recommend the junior to read 8 verses of mind transformation which will help junior to be free from delusion mind and wrong reactions.

[Aurore]

To me this behavior is NOT acceptable. Yes, I understand that there are many sorts of people in a church, or temple, etc. There will be and will always be. What I am saying is that the other senior members should not allow this to happen. They should have a talk with this person and if necessary ban him/her from attending the church until he changes his behavior.

Senior members are meant to set good examples to the younger members and the new members. With behaviors like this, less and less new people will come to the church. How every member of a church acts is a reflection of the church and in turn is polluting the religion.

In the Buddhist context, one creates a lot of negative karma by chasing people away from meeting and studying the Dharma. It is very negative consequences indeed.

[vajratruth]

Some people see the avoidance of conflict as maintaining harmony. Others see conflict as a means of finding solutions required for fostering harmony. For me it is not so much what we do or do not do, to create an impression of harmony. Rather harmony is when there are common goals that everyone abides by, and there is the understanding that there are differences in opinions and views but there is also the acceptance that "I" may not necessarily be right.

Disharmony therefore is present when everyone individually thinks, "I" am right and the rest are wrong. And this thought is forced upon others.

To me, a situation that is not to my taste (e.g. church members hurling words at one another, or a senior member telling off another member) does not necessarily mean that the church is disharmonious. Conflicts are everywhere regardless of whether it is expressed overtly or not.

I subscribe to the school that states that sometimes conflicts are necessary to keep harmony, even if in the process “dirty laundry” is aired. It is not about giving good impressions so much.

In any case, I don’t think it is correct to judge a church just by one incident. The most seemingly disharmonious people may be the most sincere about harmony to the point where they are prepared to fight to maintain it.

Not everything is as it seems.

[Tenzin K]

As a senior member should have the experience to handle matters maturely. I understand that nothing is perfect and I’m not referring that churches or any spiritual organization must be just act like heaven. But as spiritual organization isn’t that we should give good impression to people and to let them have a good feel of the environment/place. Spiritual organization/centre is where people would come and find solace, answer for individual problem, if they can’t feel the harmony and peace at the place obviously people would not come. What is that place for then?

It doesn’t mean that we sweep away things under the carpet or hide the ugly things away from people but let say the seniors member has all the right to do so due to a valid reason it should be done professionally because he/she is someone with a high status in the spiritual organization which will give impact towards their own action. Not everyone is at the level to understand the situation and as I mentioned, if the person deserve to be scolded in order to realize by all mean go ahead but to be carried out in a right way where  it will not give a negative impact to public.

We must always be sensitive because if our action is spiritual mean is to benefit others and not our own selfish satisfactions. If as a senior members doesn’t show a good example it will directly impact the junior either act like one or people will just go away.
Then we check again what all this action is for? Who are we benefiting and who are we chasing away?

[buddhalovely]

The six rules of harmony are set by Buddha for his followers to follow in order to bring about unity and harmony.

Unity in cohabitation: Work together, live together in unity and love each other like brothers and sisters.
Unity in communication: Do not say harmful things; do not quarrel to bring about anger, which may lead to fighting.
Unity in thought: Consider every person’s idea and work out a common solution to satisfy all parties. Only can tasks be accomplished.
Unity in observing the precepts: Always encourage and help each other to practice Buddhism.
Unity in sharing: Benefits gained by an individual or by groups must be shared equally with others. This not only refers to money but also any kind of recognition.
Unity in view and explanation: Share your knowledge and understanding with others so everyone can improve together and reach the same level of understanding.