Accepting both the good and the bad.

[vajrastorm]

Lord Buddha told the following parable to show why, in life, we must accept both the good and the bad, good fortune and bad fortune,and so on. In fact, in order to attain Liberation and Enlightenment, we must transcend both.

"Once a beautiful and well-dressed woman visited a house. The master of the house asked her who she was and she replied that she was the goddess of wealth. The master of the house was delighted and so greeted her with open arms. Soon after another women appeared who was ugly looking and poorly dressed. The master asked who she was and the woman replied that she was the goddess of poverty. The master was frightened and tried to drive her out of the house, but the woman refused to depart, saying, "The goddess of wealth is my sister. There is an agreement between us that we are never to live apart; if you chase me out, she is to go with me'. Sure enough, as soon as the ugly woman went out, the  other woman disappeared.

Birth goes with death. Fortune goes with misfortune. Bad things follow good things. Foolish people dread misfortune and strive after good fortune, but those who seek Enlightenment must transcend both of them".
(from  'The Teachings of the Buddha)

[dsiluvu]

Some good tip and advice thought worth sharing here... personally I've gone through so many bad fortunes, i've learnt to embrace them with grace and make the best out of it... no one can get you down except you and bad situations always strengthens the spirit. I'm actually afraid when I see friends and family enjoying life too much and not having too many crisis to face, because when they do face a crisis... the fall their experience may too big for them to handle... and it could mean disastrous for them... yet life presents to each one the many lessons to learn.

7 WAYS TO GET PAST TOUGH SITUATIONS QUICKLY

by Lori Deschene

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it.” -Charles Swindoll

One day everything seems great in your world; maybe not perfect, but overall things are going to plan. And then something happens.

You lose your job. Or someone you love. Or your home. Or maybe even your health.

It isn’t fair. You don’t deserve it. You didn’t see it coming. You didn’t plan for it. You have so many feelings and frustrations you don’t know what to do first–or if you want to do anything at all.

It would be easier to sit around feeling bad. Looking for people to blame and complain to. Rehashing what you could have done to make things happen differently. Or what you would have done if you only realized before. Or what other people should have done to help you.

All great options if you want to maximize your misery and feel justified in doing it. Not so great if what you want is to deal and move on.

You have to do this eventually when something bad happens; and the faster you do it, the sooner you’ll improve your situation.

There is no shortage of opportunities to practice dealing well. If you’d like to work on improving the 90% of life that is how you respond, you may find these tips helpful:

1. Make acceptance an immediate priority.

Dealing with a bad situation can be a lot like dealing with grief–and people often go through the same stages: shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, and so on.

You might not be able to fully squelch your emotions; but you can decide to accept what’s happened, regardless of how you feel about it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can act from where you are–which is the only way to change how you feel.

It’s like the quote from a recent post on getting started when you don’t feel ready: “Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take action. Take the action and your feelings will change.”

2. Remove fair from your vocabulary.

As kids we’re all about fair. “He took my train–it’s not fair.” “You said you’d buy me a new bike–it’s not fair!” “I had that crayon first–it’s not fair.”

You’d think we’d learn early on that life isn’t fair; but instead we cling to how we think things should be. Hard work should be rewarded. Kindness should be reciprocated. When things don’t work out that way, we feel angry at the world and bad for ourselves.

Feeling outraged about life’s injustices won’t change the fact that things are often random and beyond your control. When you start going on an unfair spiral, remind yourself, “It is what it is.” And then choose a reaction that aligns with the way you’d like the world to be.

3. Focus on the life lesson.

In Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, Richard Carlson recommends pretending that everyone is enlightened but you–that everyone you meet is here to teach you something.

In this way, you’ll see someone who annoys or frustrates you as an opportunity to work on your patience. This same mindset can help improve the way you interpret and respond to events in your life.

If you lost your job, perhaps the life lesson is to determine your true purpose. If your relationship falls apart, the life lesson may be to become more independent. Focusing on the lesson allows you to work on positive change, which will make you feel empowered instead of deflated.

4. Question whether it’s as big a problem as it seems.

We often turn minor upsets into huge catastrophes in our minds. Little in life is as horrible as it appears to be at first. Some things are challenging–like losing your job, your home, or worse, someone you love. But most situations can be solved.

Sometimes they’re even blessings in disguise. Barbara Rommer, M.D., interviewed 300 people who’d had near-death experiences. The majority of her subjects experienced spiritual awakenings, proving that what didn’t kill them only made them stronger.

Whatever you’re dealing with, is it really the end of the world? And more importantly, if you bounced back with an even better situation–a higher paying job, or a more satisfying relationship–how impressed would you be with yourself?

5. Make “Get strong” your mantra.

You may think Kanye West doesn’t have a place in tinybuddha world, but the dude got one thing right: “N-n-now that which don’t kill me can only make me stronger.”

This idea has saved me many times over. At 21 I spent four months hospitalized with a serious illness, and missed my college graduation. So much felt unfair about how it all panned out.

Then I remembered what my friend Rich had told me: “I know you feel powerless right now, but you’re going to rock the world when you get strong.” Whenever I deal with adversity, I remind myself to keep rocking.

6. Remember you can continue from this new place.

It’s easy to get attached to the road you’re on, especially if it makes you happy. When something or someone throws you off, you may feel disconnected from who you want to be or what you want to do in life.

It may help to remember a hurdle doesn’t have to obliterate your plans. Even if you lose your job, you can still pursue your professional goals–and maybe even more efficiently.

There is always more than one way to skin a cat. The sooner you focus on finding a new way, the sooner you’ll turn a bad thing good.

7. Ask yourself how someone you respect would handle the situation.

I recently put my heart into a blogging competition. I had to get votes from the public to win; and I ran a huge campaign to accomplish that. I ended in second place with just over 57,000 votes.

When I didn’t win, I felt disappointed and even a little embarrassed. I’d failed in front of thousands of people.  My best wasn’t good enough.

So I asked myself how someone with integrity would handle the situation. The answer: she’d congratulate the winner. Identify everything she learned from the experience. And move on to the next goal with her head held high. Acting on that advice made me feel proud of myself instead of disappointed.

***

People will remember the things you accomplish, but the way you handle life’s challenges can affect them just as strongly. Life happens, and it isn’t always easy. You can bemoan it and fight it, or see dealing with life’s challenges as the most important challenge of all.

You can’t always get what you want; but you can work at being who you want to be no matter what life throws at you.

[dsiluvu]

Here is another one... hope it helps whoever who is going through the bad.... it's actually good... helps build you stronger. Nobody like the bad, but like what vajrastorm posted... the teachings from the Buddha... every good comes with the bad... nothing is ever pink and rosy... we just learn how to make it pink and rosy... key word is we, i, you, "make it"... hence yes... there needs to be an effort of our part to change that perspective 


9 WAYS TO COPE WHEN BAD THINGS HAPPEN
by Celestine Chua

“We all have problems. The way we solve them is what makes us different.” ~Unknown

Have you ever experienced times when you go through just one bad thing after another? When it seems like the world is out to get you? When things go wrong no matter what you do?

You are not alone. Bad things happen to all of us too, including me. I experienced a small set back recently which I want to share with you.

A Recent Incident

Not too long ago, I was working on my upcoming eBook, The Personal Excellence Book, a collection of the best articles on my blog plus a few new ones. (Lori recently had a review and giveaway of the book for Tiny Buddha’s 1st Year Anniversary—thanks so much Lori for the wonderful review!).

The ebook was my #1 priority project at that time and I had been working on it tirelessly, day and night. After lots of hard work, I was 90% done. At that time, it was 630 pages. (The final book was almost 800 pages.)

I was happy with the progress. Cover done, foreword written, articles in place, right order, formatting done, layout completed—it was on track to launch in a week’s time.

Unfortunate Turn of Events

One evening after I got home, I sat at my computer and opened my document, ready to start work. Imagine my horrified look when I looked at the document and saw the cover design was an older version.

Bewildered, I checked the page count. It was 430 pages, 200 pages lesser than my latest version! This was an old version I was working on a few days ago. I was flabbergasted.

I couldn’t believe what was happening. I had always been careful with my documents, especially having experienced painful reworks before from document crashes and what not. It seemed there was a software error which caused an older version of my file to save over the new version, even though I had saved the latest version.

I was almost done with the book, ready to launch and my latest file disappeared. It was disheartening and honestly, somewhat depressing.

After fiddling around for 15 minutes, I came to terms that the latest version was gone. Two hundred pages of material and endless hours of hard work—all gone.

Focusing on what could be done

Interestingly, while I felt bummed, I wasn’t hung up about it. Almost immediately after I realized the document was really gone, I got right to work. I listed down what changes were lost in the old version so I could redo them. I added them on my to-do list and mapped out my schedule so I could still meet the original launch date. I was determined to meet my launch timing and I was not about to let this hiccup throw my off.

Was I frustrated? Sure I was. There were thoughts of “Aw shucks, I should have backed it up manually” and “How did this even happen?” but those thoughts were fleeting. They didn’t bog me down. If anything, I felt more charged up than anything.

While a good chunk of work was gone, I was focused on how I could get back on track, since lamenting what happened wouldn’t accomplish anything.

Our Negative Coping Behaviors

There are many possible negative things that can happen to us in a day—from the little things like coffee spilling, being caught in a traffic jam, losing our keys, having people criticize you, to the bigger mishaps like getting into a car accident, losing our valuables, breaking up from relationships, or losing our jobs.

Whenever something bad happens to us, it’s easy for us to slip into one of the following behaviors:

Self-victimization. We ask ourselves “Why is this happening to me? Why am I so unlucky? Why doesn’t this happen to anyone else? It’s not fair!”
Reacting in anger. We lash back at the situation, or even people around us, for what’s happening.
Self-blame. We make self-depreciating comments like “Why am I so stupid to have done that?” “Only someone like myself can make such a dumb mistake.”
Slipping into depression. For those of us who have faced cases of depression before, we might fall back if we’re not careful at managing our emotions.
Dejection or giving up. We lose hope, or worse still, we give up. We decide it’s not worth it, that life is out to get us, and we should just stop trying altogether.

9 Tips to Cope With Negative Situations

The thing is, as long as you live in this world, you are subjected to the same chaos, the ups and downs, the good and bad, the positives and the negatives of life. You are not the only person facing this.

What sets you apart from others though, is how you choose to deal with this situation. Here are my personal 9 steps to cope with bad situations and create something good out of them:

1. Release your frustrations. Don’t bottle them out because you might just implode. Talk to a friend about it. A listening ear does wonders. Go exercise and release the tension. Journal it out.

2. Realize you are not alone. No matter what you may think, you’re not alone in this. Somewhere around the world, someone else is thinking the exact same thing as you. Someone out there is feeling down and out too, wondering why she is experiencing this. Knowing it’s not just you helps you to get out of a self-victimizing mindset.

3. Being frustrated isn’t going to solve anything. The problem will still remain whether you go berserk at it or whether you think about it calmly. The former will create more problems as your agitation prevents you from making good decisions. I knew remaining frustrated was not going to help me get my 200 pages back, so I focused on what could be done instead (#6).

4. Know you always have a choice. Realize no matter what happens, you always have a choice in how you react. While you may not be able to control what happens to you, you can most certainly control your behaviors. You can face the worst things in the world, but if you make the choice not to let yourself be affected by them, you won’t be.

5. Objectify it. An incident is an incident; we’re responsible for the feelings attached. Remove the feelings and look at the situation objectify. This will help us cope a lot better.

6. Focus on what you can do. Action creates empowerment. It brings possibilities. It creates results. By taking action, you are no longer a passive recipient. You are a conscious creator.

7. Ask for help if you need to. It’s okay to ask for help if it makes the situation easier. Remember, you are not alone in this (#2).

8. See it as an obstacle to be overcome. Life is a journey of learning and growth, and everything happens for a reason. Obstacles are the things stopping you from getting your goals, and if you keep overcoming these obstacles, you’ll eventually get what you want.

9. Identify the lesson learned. There are always things to be learned from every situation. For me, I learned to rigorously back-up everything I’m doing now—even saving files in different versions so I can still recover the last version if the latest version ever gets destroyed.

No matter what bad stuff life throws your way, as long as you cope with it constructively, nothing can get you down.

[Jessie Fong]

We all have bad days, but don't let them ruin how you feel about yourself or others. Bad is what we assume that something bad is going to be the result, but believe in whatever bad happened to us will be healed by Time.

List everything in your life you are thankful for and be happy. Put some humor in your life! Learn to laugh at yourself or rent your favourite funny videos. Do not make any big decisions while you're in this state. Wait until you're feeling better so you can rationally weigh the ups and downs of your decisions. Do something that you enjoy or that will keep you busy, like cleaning your house, volunteer, or read your favorite book.

Try to make some plans with your friends. Chances are that you'll have tons of fun. Don't expect too much of yourself. Face the things that you're dreading. Once you do, you're bound to feel a lot better. Buy yourself or someone else a gift. Relax. Take a long walk by yourself to think things over, take a bubble bath, or listen to soothing music. Be sure to get enough sleep by going to bed and waking up at a reasonable time. Being tired makes you feel more stressed and irritated, especially around others.

Give someone a hug. Everybody likes to get a hug once in awhile. It'll make both of you feel good. Know that what you are going through is very common. Talk to someone you trust about what you are feeling - they can help you sort through your emotions.

Get some exercise. When you exercise, your body makes more special chemicals called endorphins that help to improve your mood; You may also eat chocolate because it also helps. Regular exercise will also help to maintain a regular even appetite and sleep schedule - both important to your mental state as well. Practice deep relaxation exercises. You can also do this while you walk. Pray or read something inspirational. Don't dwell on your weaknesses or mistakes. Think of things that you love about yourself or that you've done to help someone. Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

Prepare for tests early. Eat healthier meals and snacks. A good diet helps you both physically and mentally.

Set realistic goals. Always take things one step at a time. Stop worrying about things that may never happen. Find yourself. Get involved with things you like to do. Keep a journal. Your journal can act as someone you can always vent to and will never judge you. Make time for fun.

Do something totally selfless and anonymous - volunteer at a shelter or local treatment facility. Give thought to how much you have if you have a roof over your head, food to eat and are healthy. Lose yourself by keeping busy with indulging your time in helping others. This will keep your mind away from your own problems.

Do not try to get rid of your bad thoughts especially in loss of a loved one- by fighting them when they came to your mind. Just let them move through your head, think of them, but don't let them take control over you. Manage them, for example if you are at work, leave them for a better time to think of. Struggling in order to get rid of some thoughts will make them stronger.

Remember that your mind is a battleground and you are the one who has to write the story of this battle. If you solve any problem inside your head, no longer it's of importance that if the truth is the way you like it or not. Is there anything happening in the real world when you don't know of it. In better words from works of Jean Baudrillard the French philosopher if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, has the tree fallen at all?

Cry, not just about the bad stuff, but what you have to help deal with the bad stuff, friends, family, a possible lover; remembering that YOU ARE NOT ALONE and devoid of love, combined with tears of sadness, actually obliterate your negative emotions. Don't be afraid to do this.

Courtesy of : http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Sadness

[Ensapa]

Accepting both sides of the coin is easier said than done. But one thing for sure is that we have to realize that good and bad is not permanent and it is just a different perspective of something. A lot of people tend to suffer because they have a fixed view of something which is the main cause of their unhappiness. If they can shift that perception a little they would be able to feel a lot more better. In general, I tend to try and see things from a different point of view when i am unhappy and more often than not, it does work. It's something worth trying as its a very simple way of retraining the mind to be a happier one.

[Tenzin K]

Buddhism has come forward with ethical truth, not only with ethical knowledge. In those schools of
sociology and philosophy, what is found is ethical knowledge, not truth; for them good and bad differ
from the society to society and from individuals to individuals; there is nothing call truth. But according
to Buddhism, good and bad are universal phenomena. For example, the Buddha says, “if the Brahmin
say that all living being should not be killed, what is said is true, not because it is the opinion of the
Brahmin but because it is the ethical truth.” According to Buddhism, ethics is to be followed, not only
to be studied.

In fact, duality is not usually encouraged by Buddhism. It is the one of the major problem of the human
being; we have to face duality all the time; man is drowned into confusion by various kinds of duality.
There is a discourse called Dvayat?nupassan? Sutta (SNP) which is the discourse on seeing the
duality. In the Sutta, the Buddha advises monks to be careful of various forms of duality. But when
comes to ethics, Buddhism talks of ethical fact of good and bad; there is duality of good and bad;
they are not relative terms; each exists independently. There are various terms, which indicate the
duality of good and bad, given in the P?li canon as follows:
(1) kusala and akusala (good and bad)
(2) puñña and p?pa (good deed and evil deed)
(3) kara??ya and akara??ya (what is to be done and what is not to be done)
(4) sevitabba and asevitabba (what is associated and what is not to be associated)
(5) sukkha and kanha (white; fare side of ethics and dark side of ethics)
(6) bh?vetabba and ph?tabba (what is to be developed and what is to be avoid)

There are various others which indicate the existence of good and bad as actual social fact. We can
see just the first words as example: what is good (kusala) is good in everywhere at all times; it cannot
be bad (akusala) in anywhere, in any time. Therefore, Buddhism has come forward with ethics which is
universally valid. Killing others is always bad in every society; refraining from killing is always good in
every society. As we mentioned above, however, there are some schools of sociology and philosophy
which can justify the act of killing in terms of relative social values. It is totally against Buddhist point of
view. For Buddhism, what is good is always good: good in the beginning; good in the middle; good in
the end. What is bad is always bad.

[psylotripitaka]

Rest in Emptiness, the perfect acceptance.

[dsiluvu]

Accepting both sides of the coin is easier said than done. But one thing for sure is that we have to realize that good and bad is not permanent and it is just a different perspective of something. A lot of people tend to suffer because they have a fixed view of something which is the main cause of their unhappiness. If they can shift that perception a little they would be able to feel a lot more better. In general, I tend to try and see things from a different point of view when i am unhappy and more often than not, it does work. It's something worth trying as its a very simple way of retraining the mind to be a happier one.

Ditto... well said Ensapa. Bad things and Good things that happen to us, when it is happening is very real for the moment... what happens next is another moment to which is in our power to choose how and what to do. And yes everything start from our thoughts hence it is through our thought, conscious and subconscious to which we see our actions forming.... so lets have a positive one

[buddhalovely]

Good and evil have often been looked upon as diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive. But in a real, practical sense, such a simplistic way of thinking is unsatisfactory. Even the cruelest of criminals may possess a strong sense of love or compassion toward his parents and children. Is such a person fundamentally good or evil?

The Buddhist understanding is that good and evil are innate, inseparable aspects of life. This view makes it impossible to label a particular individual or group as "good" or "evil." Every single human being is capable of acts of the most noble good, or the basest evil.

[vajratruth]

Accepting both sides of the coin is easier said than done. But one thing for sure is that we have to realize that good and bad is not permanent and it is just a different perspective of something. A lot of people tend to suffer because they have a fixed view of something which is the main cause of their unhappiness. If they can shift that perception a little they would be able to feel a lot more better. In general, I tend to try and see things from a different point of view when i am unhappy and more often than not, it does work. It's something worth trying as its a very simple way of retraining the mind to be a happier one.

Ditto... well said Ensapa. Bad things and Good things that happen to us, when it is happening is very real for the moment... what happens next is another moment to which is in our power to choose how and what to do. And yes everything start from our thoughts hence it is through our thought, conscious and subconscious to which we see our actions forming.... so lets have a positive one

When we think in terms of "good" or "bad" we are in fact opening ourselves up to more suffering. Life become a futile pursuit of things and situations that are "good" when it is only a state of mind that happens because an aggregate of conditions come together to produce a result which meets our expectations at a certain point in time. We imagine "good" to be something fixed that can retain is character regardless of everything else.

For example we say in general that rain is good but if its keeps raining non-stop and then flooding occurs, crop fields become water logged, and nothing ever gets dry, then suddenly rain is no longer "good" and might even then be regarded as "bad". The nature of rain doesn't change, only our perception of it. If there is such thing as a permanent "good", then rain should always be good. in fact, rain is both good and bad, and neither good nor bad per se.

Same thing can be said about people and things. There is neither a "good" person who is good at everything and in all aspects, all the time and to all people and in all people's opinion and neither is there a "bad" person by the same measure.

In fact, as we go deeper into the study of Buddhism, we find out that there is no emphasis on "good" or "bad" in Buddhism, there is only ignorance and wisdom. As for actions and behaviour of people, in Buddhism the attention in not on good or bad but skillful or unskillful actions. Buddhism looks at a "bad" action and refers to it as an unskillful act to achieve something and in that way, it shifts the focus to the person's act and not on the person per se.That creates an opportunity to [re]educate rather than judge and reinforce a fixation which ultimately only brings suffering.

[Ensapa]

Good and evil have often been looked upon as diametrically opposed and mutually exclusive. But in a real, practical sense, such a simplistic way of thinking is unsatisfactory. Even the cruelest of criminals may possess a strong sense of love or compassion toward his parents and children. Is such a person fundamentally good or evil?

The Buddhist understanding is that good and evil are innate, inseparable aspects of life. This view makes it impossible to label a particular individual or group as "good" or "evil." Every single human being is capable of acts of the most noble good, or the basest evil.

Most of the time, we're stuck in either states and we forget about the fact that they're either temporary or that they can be reversed or something can be done about the whole thing. Its when the mind is stuck on something that problems begin and people start to feel unhappiness and mental anguish. Being stuck in such a state can be quite agonizing and it could take a long time before they can snap out of it. I get stuck in them once in a while, and sometimes i need a friend or two to unstuck myself from that state and i'll be okay again. Of course, prevention is better than cure.

[Dorje Pakmo]

Sometime ago I had a chat with a Christian friend who talked about how the Lord have his great plans for us and that we must rejoice even when things are not going well for us because HE knows what is the BEST for us.

I nodded in agreement and told him what I think. There are lessons to be learnt in both good and bad times. While we are having good times, never expect it to last forever therefore feel fortunate that we are experiencing good times and when bad times come, do not be dejected and start lamenting, for what we experience may have been what we sowed (our Karma) or it is an experience to prepare us for something bigger and better. Hence accept both happily.

[sonamdhargey]

If we can accept the good, why not accept the bad? Without "good" there will be no "bad" and without "bad" there will be no "good". Good and bad are relative and relational. Accepting that nothing is permanent makes it easier to accept the bad and also help with accepting that good as good and not hold on and grasped only the good as well. If we can accept both and not dwell in it we will be happier.

[angelsherfield]

I used to think i am lucky always and good things always come to me since i was born.

When comes to last year, my marriage not turning well and my love partner request for divorce. I totally can't accept the real fact until no appetide to eat, no focus in work and unable to sleep well. Whenever i woke up, i wish it was a dream and not happen to me in real life. Inner anger become stronger and release the anger towards my love partner until hurting his heart badly which it's not the real me. During that time, bad things starts coming to my life continuously. For example, I wasn't performed well in my work, I am loosing focus while driving and car accident happened and etc.

May be it's faith. I get to know buddhism teaching with the help from my current dharma sister and my friend.Both of them are always on my side to support and guide me to pass through the bad thing and my marriage. I start to realize that there always good and bad thing happen in our life. We must learn to accept both good and bad thing with open heart. We should not fear on the bad thing but getting ourselves stronger and more firm on every action we taken. Somehow good thing start reveal when bad thing ends. Cureently my job performance is getting better.

Accepting the bad thing and learning to let go is not an easy task. But if we pass through the difficulties, inner self will become stronger and firm. Then good luck will start coming to our way.:-)

[dondrup]

Whether or not an object turns out to be good or bad depends on our perception thereon.  Because of the obscuration of our minds, we perceive the same object differently.   We may think the person is beautiful but to another person, that same person is ugly! 

The obscuration is caused by the two obstructions - obstruction to liberation and obstruction to omniscience.  Obstructions to liberation prevent the attainment of liberation. All delusions, such as ignorance, attachment, and anger, together with their seeds, are obstructions to liberation. The imprints of delusions, are the obstructions to omniscience, prevent simultaneous and direct realization of all phenomena.