Proof that Kindness touches everyone

[Q]

Remember the times when we said something and acted unkindly to a person out of self preservation? I'm sure all of us have been in that situation before, as the receiver or giver...

I read this article on the news today, where researchers actually conducted a study on the effects of kindness towards the people around us. I thought it can serve as something very inspiring for us to always practice and improve ourselves spiritually. After all, when we change, so does the people around us. Therefore if we truly care to liberate all sentient beings from their pain and suffering, lets start from ourselves.

Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-20851434

Kinder children are more popular
By Victoria Gill
BBC reporter

The study revealed that kinder children were happier and found "greater acceptance in their peer groups"
Continue reading the main story
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Performing deliberate acts of kindness makes pre-teen children more popular with their peers, say scientists.

A team led by researchers at the University of California, Riverside, "assigned" children three acts of kindness each week for four weeks.

After the four weeks, children were happier and more liked by classmates.

The researchers say than encouraging such simple "positive acts" could help children to get along with classmates and even prevent instances of bullying.

The findings are published in the open access journal Plos One.

Cuddling and cleaning
Working with 400 school children aged between nine and 11, the team assigned whole classrooms either to perform and note down three kind acts per week or - as a control group - to keep a diary of three locations they visited each week.

The kind acts were not necessarily directed towards their classmates. Some examples of the things children reported were: "Gave my mom a hug when she was stressed by her job", "gave someone some of my lunch," and "vacuumed the floor".

"Before the four weeks, we had each student circle [the names] of students from their classroom who they would like to be in school activities with," explained the lead researcher, Kristin Layous from UC Riverside's department of psychology.

The children were asked to repeat this same "nomination process" at the end of four weeks.

"Both conditions - kindness and comparison - received more nominations from their classmates after the four weeks were over," explained Dr Layous, but students in the kindness [group] gained significantly more nominations than the [other group].

"The most interesting finding to me is that a simple positive activity can promote positive relationships among peers," said Dr Layous.

She suggested that by reinforcing social connections between children in this simple way, schools could help to combat bullying.

"I was not completely surprised that students increased in happiness, because we have found the same effects in adults," said the researcher.

"[But] I was surprised that a simple activity could change the dynamics of a well-established classroom.

"This study was conducted in the spring, so students had already known each other all year. For them to nominate more peers at the end of a four-week activity period is promising."

[hope rainbow]

This reminds me of a suggestion made by Ajahn Brahm about the scores for students at school.
He suggested that 80% of the quotation be the result of the individual children/teenagers, each doing on their own, and then 20% be the average score of the class.

So let's imagine that I have scored 100% at my exams/tests, then that would mean I have 80% already on top of which we add the average of the class, if the average is 50%, then my total score would be 90%.
I hope I make it easy to understand here....

The point is this: to make the children/students understand that it is in their advantage to help everyone else do well in school. And thus it encourages habits of solidarity and assistance (and kindness) rather than competition...
Not bad an idea, isn't it?

[Ensapa]

No matter how you want to go about it, humans are social creatures. In being social creatures, they depend on each other's support which is why being kind to each other is very important. In a social group, support from each member of the group to the rest of the members in the group determines how strong that group will survive. In society, society itself is a huge group and the people in the group need to benefit each other to survive. By being kind to others we buy their trust and kindness, and also influence them to do the same to others as well.

[pgdharma]

Children are our most precious resource. They will create a future based on what they learn now, yet they often have little choice about what is taught to them.  Children need parents who will let them grow up to be themselves, but parents often have personal agendas they try to impose on their children. Parents are used to thinking in terms of what they can teach the children, maybe now they need to ask themselves what they may learn from them. Parents can learn to discipline kindly, remaining firm, yet doing so with love and warmth.

As random acts of kindness is a wonderful way to touch the life of another being, parents should teach their children to be kinder, gentler beings.  We can treat those closest to us with the same respect and politeness that we reserve for friends and colleagues. If we do this, we will be doing our part to create a world in which kindness is never a random act, but rather a way of life. If parents set a good example for their children to follow, then the future generation will undoubtedly make the world a better place.

“No one has yet fully realized the wealth of sympathy, kindness and generosity hidden in the soul of a child. The effort of every true education should be to unlock that treasure.” Emma Goldman

[RedLantern]

Kindness is the true nature of human beings.It's wonderful to live in a kind world,a place where everyone said sweet words,doors open were always held open,there was no bullying,and peace reign supreme.That's a dream world,but it's one we can at least aim for creating.
As long as we  don't go out of our way to hurt others in the process,we shouldn't feel guilty .If the suffering of others touches us,then we certainly aren't doing any one any good wallowing in self loathing.
Nurture healthy and wise thoughts ,ideas,feelings,habits,traits and behaviors.Reject all other negative,poor,weak,bad,wrong or evil thoughts,ideas or feelings.

[sonamdhargey]

I agree that the kindness and selflessness will bring about positive results in others. If we cannot show kindness and always self absorb and self preservation the only results we experience always backfire and reflect our own mind and our actions. By giving kindness we create a positive action and we can plant the good seeds in the mindstream of others who observed and it may manifest in the future to be kind.

[DS Star]

Kindness is our natural self or 'mind', that is why it touches everyone. Every normal sane person will praise kindness and hate cruelty, because it our natural self.

“Kindness should become the natural way of life, not the exception.” The Buddha

It should be our motto in life. To be kind to every sentient beings, no exception, no discrimination.

[diamond girl]

Kindness is our natural self or 'mind', that is why it touches everyone. Every normal sane person will praise kindness and hate cruelty, because it our natural self.

“Kindness should become the natural way of life, not the exception.” The Buddha

It should be our motto in life. To be kind to every sentient beings, no exception, no discrimination.

I love Buddha's quote. It should be our daily mantra. Being kind is not a tool to win people over. This is thus not altruistic. Being kind is a way of being in one self. Being kind should be unconditional. It does not matter if kindness is ever returned when one is being kind. Caring is also a hard task because we expect care back. And most of the time care and kindness are abused by fellow people. This also explains why many find it easier to be kind to animals because it is unconditional and we have no projected expectations from the animals.

Kindness is not a calculated action. It is a way of being and it does not matter if the kindness is ever reciprocated.

[Positive Change]

This reminds me of a suggestion made by Ajahn Brahm about the scores for students at school.
He suggested that 80% of the quotation be the result of the individual children/teenagers, each doing on their own, and then 20% be the average score of the class.

So let's imagine that I have scored 100% at my exams/tests, then that would mean I have 80% already on top of which we add the average of the class, if the average is 50%, then my total score would be 90%.
I hope I make it easy to understand here....

The point is this: to make the children/students understand that it is in their advantage to help everyone else do well in school. And thus it encourages habits of solidarity and assistance (and kindness) rather than competition...
Not bad an idea, isn't it?

This is indeed an interesting concept which I did come across as a teenager. My boarding school had indeed this system whereby your grades were partially dependent on how your peers did. This encourages the class as a whole to work together and help each others grades. It promoted a sense of unity and solidarity which is much needed in the real world. After all, what is the point of wonderful top grades in Chemistry or Physics in real life anyhow?

It is the very elements that make us better people, kinder people that we should be learning in school. Grades are merely an indication of that focus and should not be the end all!

[apprenticehealer]

I do love Buddha's quote " Kindness should become the natural way of life, not the exception.."

I believe that humans are born to be kind and loving, it's in our nature. It only through external factors like social conditioning, peer pressure etc that people turn nasty and unkind. Mean and unkind acts to others could be due to self preservation, stress,denial of hurtful acts to someone , holding onto anger and other negative thoughts but it should not be an excuse and it must not be manifested outwards to another being.

Children follow the examples set by their parents and caregivers, and children shown kindness will grow up knowing that kindness is a very important virtue to incorporate into their very being. It then becomes not only second nature in them but is part of them. Then in turn , they show this wonderful virtue to their children and then their children. It has to start somewhere !

Actions of kindness not only makes the person showing the kindness happy, it also makes the one receiving the kind action happy, and it just perpetuates !

The result of a kind deed, a kind word, a smile is just totally amazing. And most times , it does not cost anything.
 

[bambi]

That is a great idea. To develop kindness in children when they are young. I would definitely want to train my children. Something as simple as opening a door for someone is also an act of kindness anyone can do including the kids. How we behave is how our kids will be. Schools should have syllabus like this incorporated into kid's every week activities. Ethics should be taught and encouraged while young too...

[yontenjamyang]

The proves that everything is interdependent and the law cause and effect. A good act generate a good results. A negative act similarly generate a negative results. It is just that normally in society the good and the bad acts are mixed, resulting in chaotic results that may not be so discernible to ordinary folks. Hence, many do not see the cause and the effect.

It would be interesting to be able to do a similar experiment on acts of compassion ie positive actions that is not related to the person doing it or to his family, classmates etc. For example, giving out food to the homeless. These acts create not just good karma but creates merits. Unlike karma, merits are inexhaustible once created. The law of cause and effect and interdependency will then take its course. Since, we cannot depend on then homeless who receive the food to vote for us, does this means the positive results will take a longer course to come back? Or would the effect be more immediate internally? I suspect the latter is the case.

[Midakpa]

Kindness is a quality that should be encouraged because it results in happiness and satisfaction. Kindness develops from a mind that is free of hatred, jealousy, cruelty, enmity and grudges,  In Buddhism, the term loving-kindness is used for the boundless love that is free from selfishness and all the above negative emotions. Sometimes this special kind of love is called goodwill amongst men; often the term universal love or metta is used. It is an all-embracing love expressed by the Buddha for all living beings. In the Metta Sutta, the Buddha expounded the nature of love in Buddhism: "Just as a mother would protect her only child even at the risk of her own life, even so, let him cultivate a boundless heart towards all beings. Let his thoughts of boundless love pervade the whole world, above, below and across without any obstruction, without any hatred, without any enmity."

[Positive Change]

Here I touch a little on Kindness as a practice in our daily lives:

It is a fact of life that many people are troubled by difficult emotional states in the pressured societies we live in, but do little in terms of developing skills to deal with them. Yet even when the mind goes sour it is within most people's capacity to arouse positive feelings to sweeten it. Loving-kindness is a meditation practice taught by the Buddha to develop the mental habit of selfless or altruistic love. In the Dhammapada can be found the saying:

"Hatred cannot coexist with loving-kindness, and dissipates if supplanted with thoughts based on loving-kindness."

Loving-kindness is a meditation practice, which brings about positive attitudinal changes as it systematically develops the quality of 'loving-acceptance'. It acts, as it were, as a form of self-psychotherapy, a way of healing the troubled mind to free it from its pain and confusion. Of all Buddhist meditations, loving-kindness has the immediate benefit of sweetening and changing old habituated negative patterns of mind.

To put it into its context, Loving-kindness is the first of a series of meditations that produce four qualities of love: Friendliness (metta), Compassion (karuna), Appreciative Joy (mudita) and Equanimity (upekkha). The quality of 'friendliness' is expressed as warmth that reaches out and embraces others. When loving-kindness practice matures it naturally overflows into compassion, as one empathises with other people's difficulties; on the other hand one needs to be wary of pity, as its near enemy, as it merely mimics the quality of concern without empathy. The positive expression of empathy is an appreciation of other people's good qualities or good fortune, or appreciative joy, rather than feelings of jealousy towards them. This series of meditations comes to maturity as 'on-looking equanimity'. This 'engaged equanimity' must be cultivated within the context of this series of meditations, or there is a risk of it manifesting as its near enemy, indifference or aloofness. So, ultimately you remain kindly disposed and caring toward everybody with an equal spread of loving feelings and acceptance in all situations and relationships.

How to do it . . .

The practice always begins with developing a loving acceptance of yourself. If resistance is experienced then it indicates that feelings of unworthiness are present. No matter, this means there is work to be done, as the practice itself is designed to overcome any feelings of self-doubt or negativity. Then you are ready to systematically develop loving-kindness towards others.

Four types of persons to develop loving-kindness towards:

1. A respected, beloved person — such as a spiritual teacher;

2. A dearly beloved — a close family member or friend;

3. A neutral person — somebody you know, but have no special feelings towards, e.g. person who serves you in a shop;

4. A hostile person — someone you are currently having difficulty with.

Starting with yourself, then systematically sending loving-kindness from person to person in the above order will have the effect of breaking down the barriers between the four types of people and yourself. This will have the effect of breaking down the divisions within your own mind, the source of much of the conflict we experience. Just a word of caution if you are practicing intensively. It is best if you choose a member of the same sex or, if you have a sexual bias to your own sex, a person of the opposite sex. This is because of the risk that the near enemy of loving-kindness, lust, can be aroused. Try different people to practice on, as some people do not easily fit into the above categories, but do try to keep to the prescribed order.

[Dorje Pakmo]

I believe a 100% that kindness touches everyone. And I do believe that the value of kindness should be encourage and are constantly instilled into the minds of our young ones. The world is our playground. We can choose to be nice and play with everyone living in it or we can choose to be mean and be left alone. I strongly believe that it is a natural thing that people responds positively to kind people and negatively to those who are mean and selfish. It is a natural reaction!

It is important that the values of kindness are taught to the younger generations and are consistently reminded. More so, in the world today where material gains and status are put so much highly above everything else.