Human character & attitude (changes?)

[malini123456789]

Just curious on human character and attitude. There are people who has been in comfort zone for too long and is difficult to change them. Either there are ignorance and dont bothee.I have been praying for them daily in order for them to be tactful in every situation. Counselling has been done but yet no improvements. Any ways that can change their kind,character and attitude towards life?

[MoMo]

Sound like a frustrating “me” ranting!

Just curious on human character and attitude. There are people who has been in comfort zone for too long and is difficult to change them. Either there are ignorance and dont bothee.

It had been since beginningless time the “Perfect one” and great sages tread the earth to teach the way and still there’re deluded people around like you and me. The key to this perfection must be the mind, our own mind to be exactly! The great sages said that it is much easier to change our view to suit the world rather than to change the world to suit our view.
We can lead the horse to the water hole but can’t force him to drink unless the horse himself wants to drink it.
Hence we must constantly study, contemplate and put the dharma into practice to be the role model to inspire other to change.

I have been praying for them daily in order for them to be tactful in every situation. Counselling has been done but yet no improvements. Any ways that can change their kind,character and attitude towards life?

We need have patience and perseverance to counter our frustration of wanting fast result. There is an analogy of this: after we had planted a seed, it would be foolish to dig it up day later to see if it had sprout also we should constantly polish our skill and change our method to suit the mental deposition to suit the recipient and never give up.

[Matibhadra]

There are people who has been in comfort zone for too long and is difficult to change them. [...] Any ways that can change their kind,character and attitude towards life?

Wanting to change others is a clear sign of not having changed oneself.

Judaism is about changing others into submission to their cruel, envious, bloodthirsty “god”.

Buddhism is about changing oneself into a free, compassionate, generous, loving person.

Maybe you are in the wrong website.

[pinecone]

There are values and principles in life that we follow which affect how we react to each and every situations . The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Therefore, it is essential for us not to dwell on to the past i.e. success or failure, happiness or unhappiness as all phenomena are impermanent . Similarly, dwelling in the future will also cause anxiety as we know the result is always contingent. We cannot expect changes in others but instead to change ourselves . IMHO , the moment we possess the correct attitude i.e. compassion, patience, correct view, selfless etc and apply it in our daily life, our character will eventually flow concurrently with the positive attitude .

[dondrup]

People who had been experiencing comfort zones for very long are just being lazy! It is difficult though not impossible to turn these lazy people around! Unless they wake up to realities, they will continue to be lazy!  If we want to help them, we have to apply skillful means, compassion and wisdom in dealing with the person(s) concerned.  There is no one best way but you would need to evaluate the results of the methods you used. It is important at the outset that these people must be willing and want to change.  If they refused to change, you will need to further apply effort and patience to help them.

One of the most effective ways is to restrict their access to life necessities like money, credit cards, vehicles, positions of power, freedom, food etc.  Anything to feed their attachments must be removed or controlled so that these people realise that they have to stand on their own feet when it comes to survival.

The other effective way is send them to the Outward Bound schools for training in order to instill in them personal growth and social skills.  Wikipedia defines personal development and social skills as follows. Personal development includes activities that improve awareness and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and facilitate employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations. Social skill is any skill facilitating interaction and communication with others.

Hope the above helps.

[RedLantern]

If we look only selectively at the Buddha’s teachings, for shortcuts that conveniently suit our present way of life, our life will not transform much for the better, because we will be living more or less in the same old ways we do, with defilements mostly intact, at best with minor improvements due to small adjustments. However, if we look more completely and detailedly for the essence of the Dharma, including at aspects, such as committing to observation of the precepts, which challenges our way of life, our life will have more hope of changing radically for the better.

Despite being even long-time Buddhists, many of us are not fantastic Dharma practitioners with substantial spiritual breakthroughs in terms of realisation of deeper wisdom and expression of greater compassion – because we have been procrastinating commitment to be truly excellent disciples of the Buddha, giving ourselves all kinds of excuses to not do better due to our ‘constraints’. This has been going on for countless lives already! We might have even successfully tricked ourselves into thinking we are far from ready to learn more about the Dharma systematically, much less, to practise its more profound aspects diligently. This is how many remain as nominal Buddhists, or even, sadly, backslide to be non-Buddhists eventually.

Any ‘dread’ of commitment towards study, practice, realisation and sharing of the Dharma is really unfounded because there is no one forcing us to do so. Yet, we must see clearly that we have to take upon some ‘inconveniences’ in order to step out of our overly worldly comfort zones, to inch, not so much towards a less comfortable zone, but towards a more spiritually comfortable zone! Since the Buddha already clearly discouraged extreme ascetic practices that harm the body and mind, why imagine sincere Dharma practice to be ‘too difficult’, when it is really the journey to spiritual bliss and liberation? The fruitful result of good practice is the attainment of true lasting convenience – True Happiness! What can be more worth the ‘trouble’?

[fruven]

It is more beneficial to pray for changing oneself and bring the Dharma to others. Praying is good and at the same one should gain more Dharma knowledge and practice it. Study Lamrim, practice lojong known as mind transformation, be kind and many other things you can do. Dharma is for everyone and is not just for someone closed to you only.

[Kim Hyun Jae]

I agree with Fruven. There are methods to change a human character and attitude by doing prayers, learn the Lamrim, attend retreats, engage in meditation, study and contemplate. The change of human attitude starts from oneself before we can influence another person. If we ourself have changed, people around us will notice the changes and hopefully will influence them to make the changes onto themselves.

[Pema8]

Change is difficult for everyone. Expecting others to change can result in frustration as the other person may not have the same background and might apply change in another way than expected.
Change has to come from the inside. Counseling  might be a help but at the long run the person has to find her own way to apply the change so that the process is internalized and is real.

Remember all is impermanent.