A Dakini, the kind in human form, is roughly equivalent to the Muse of Western stories. She inspires the male, taking him to the full expression of himself in the world. The Daka, a male muse serves this same purpose for women.
The male in question has obstacles to the expression of his Highest Self, and releasing these pretty much always involves revisiting the trauma that originally set the resistance in place. This is catharsis, the intense and complete experiencing of emotion that has long been contained, resisted, bottled up. In most stories of Muses, they seem willful, capricious, in a word, - trouble. They use the full range of manipulative tools and shock tactics that wives do. Wicked. The difference is this: A girlfriend, or wife, in the normal pattern (archetype) of things is motivated by her ego-view, which sometimes includes the awareness that "her man" living his excellence can benefit her. More often though, his flowering will be taken by her as a threat. A Dakini has one purpose - man's spiritual advancement, from wherever he is to wherever he can go with her support. She is operating consciously with Love, and all the leverage that affords, to pry apart your defences, smash your ego and put Truth as close in front of you as possible, that you might wake up to your purpose, your flowering.
The nearest modern profession to this is a "Life Coach". That's really what a Dakini is. She's an emissary of the divine, to tempt you to your divinity, to experiencing the real fruits of existence.
A Dakini can be loved, adored, worshipped, in fact, that's essential - but she can never be owned. No artist, no poet would dare expect his Muse to be permanently available, or in any way exclusive, to him. They do what they do, live as they live so that they may serve existence in this way. Any restriction on their freedom, their flowering is a restriction on their usefulness to existence. Another way to express this is to say that they are already married - to The Divine.
The work of a Daka, a male Tantra Practitioner is usually with a Dakini who is awakening to her path. He provides a base of unconditional love and devotion (to her truth, not her mind) which encourages the woman to her flowering. He shows her, through her direct experience, that intimacy, love and bliss are not rare, scarce, unattainable or dependant on someone else. They are there within her, waiting to be claimed - her birthright.
Dakinis and Dakas are those who know, at their deepest level, that this is their calling, their vocation. The commitment required is not "great" or "huge", it's total. Every aspect of being is involved. To work effectively with Tantra, an impeccable mind, a healthy body, an open heart and a significant degree of spiritual awareness are required.
So, for Dakinis, diet, exercise, meditation and some form of energy work are important. Dakinis work on themselves, their bodies and minds using Yoga, Tai-Chi, and practicing various arts along with lots of silent sitting meditation.
The Buddha's injunction to practice "right livelihood" is also important. Being involved in a business that profits from, or causes, damage to the earth is not compatible with tantric practice. Niether is being involved with any enterprise that derrogtes the Goddess, or any aspect of the Divine Feminine. These are not "rules", they are simply facts. Keeping the heart open and loving is essential to working with sacred sexuality. The heart can't be open when you're doing that which offends it.
The judgements of the surrounding culture also have to be faced. Many people focus on the sexual aspects of the work and reckon that "Dakini" is synonymous with "whore". Mainstream religions have done an effective job of convincing people that sex is inherintly sinful, and this judgement has infected even non-semitic religions. There is, for example, a Yoga teacher in Johannesburg who objects to this school charging money for tantric work. She would never think of charging money for the tantra work she attempts - just she also wouldn't think of doing it with anyone but a long-term attendee of her remarakbly expensive yoga classes.
So a Tantrika, Dakini or Daka, has to face the same cultural judgements as a sex worker, possibly, and oh so wrongly, the same legal sanctions too. She has to make a living from her healing work, or supplement it with something compatible with her ethics/aesthetics. Maintaining her body, mind and spirit is a full time job, whether she has one client a month, or a dozen. Her lovers (outside of her healing work) are limited to those who have transcended jealousy, or are at least willing to take a stand against it in themselves. It really is a miracle that there are people in the world that are willing and able to do this work. It's not surprising that they are rare. Appreciate them.
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