What do you give someone who has everything?

[WisdomBeing]

At the end of the day, when someone is having everything, he/she won't have the time to deal with karma and what true sufferings is , most of the cases (I am not saying all are like this) are that we cannot stuff Dharma down someone's throat when the time is not ripe. So patience and skillful means come into play hand in hand. And the pre-deposition of a person's mind is also very important, some are more receptive to truth and logic and will have resonance, but the majority will not, let's be honest.

Sometimes leaving them alone is also a way of compassion. We do whatever we can based on the circumstances, if it rings a bell to them, we can surely introduce more Dharma and share what we have learnt. Then all the better for everyone. Otherwise, we have to stay low profile in order not to be too much in their face.

I think that how we help people onto the Dharma path is our very example. If we are kind and caring. Patient. Don't bad mouth others, etc. We become positive role models for the Dharma. However, if we act selfishly, are moody, complain a lot etc, then people would think hey - i don't want to be Buddhist.

This is for people who are not yet Buddhist - but I know some people who are in a Buddhist centre outside London. I've joined their group a few times though I don't feel it's for me. I won't name the centre out of respect and no desire to hurt them as i do believe they are well-intentioned. Basically the friend who brought me there is quite depressed and disillusioned and wants to leave the centre. I told her not to because there is no other centre around her area and i've read on the net that we shouldn't give up on our Dharma practice. She says she doesn't want to give up the practice but she's truly miserable and the other members of the centre don't care about her and  just tell her to snap out of it and not be so selfish. She wants to seek a psychologist but she says they would not understand the spiritual aspect so she's stuck between a rock and a hard place.

There are other centres in other parts of England - i am not sure if it would be the same atmosphere there and though it would be more inconvenient to drive further, if she'd be happier with a different group of people, perhaps it's something to explore.

I was just seeking others' advice - do you think she should just stick in there at that centre or she should look elsewhere? It will not be breaking samaya because the centres she is thinking of moving to share the same Guru. She hasn't spoken to any of them about her wanting to move - so I don't know if that is 'allowed'. Seems so political to me. Sigh. I would think that moving centres as long as it is under the same Guru should be okay?

[triesa]

I was just seeking others' advice - do you think she should just stick in there at that centre or she should look elsewhere? It will not be breaking samaya because the centres she is thinking of moving to share the same Guru. She hasn't spoken to any of them about her wanting to move - so I don't know if that is 'allowed'. Seems so political to me. Sigh. I would think that moving centres as long as it is under the same Guru should be okay?


[/quote]

Dear Wisdom Being,

I would say as long as she IS NOT giving up her practice, and as you said in her case, the other center also belongs to the same guru, I don't find any conflict at all. If she is in any doubt, she should seek advice from her Guru, that would be the safest.

If her Guru said it is up to her, then she should choose a place where she could find peace, solace and happiness. If her Guru said stick to the same center, then she should stick to it and just treat any unpleasant encounter as a way to purify her negative karma.

I know how it feels between a rock and a hard place. And Samsara is very much like a rock and a hard place

[WisdomBeing]

Dear Wisdom Being,

I would say as long as she IS NOT giving up her practice, and as you said in her case, the other center also belongs to the same guru, I don't find any conflict at all. If she is in any doubt, she should seek advice from her Guru, that would be the safest.

If her Guru said it is up to her, then she should choose a place where she could find peace, solace and happiness. If her Guru said stick to the same center, then she should stick to it and just treat any unpleasant encounter as a way to purify her negative karma.

I know how it feels between a rock and a hard place. And Samsara is very much like a rock and a hard place

Hi Triesa,

Thanks for the advice. I think it makes very good sense. I had advised her to consult her Guru but she says she does not want to create any problems and in fact, since i last wrote, she's thinking of leaving the organisation altogether. Of course I have strongly advised her against it, even though I am not at that organisation nor do i wish to join, it's the principle of the matter that she had chosen to join that centre and chosen that Guru too. However, as you said in your earlier post, perhaps leaving them - in this case, her - alone is all i can do and perhaps she does not have the merits to stay in the Dharma at this time.

I have asked her to at least come to this website and read the wonderful information here - if she ends up leaving that organisation (touch wood she doesn't but who knows), at least she can be in touch with the Dharma on a cyber level.

Thanks dear.

[Helena]

Dear WB,

I think how you are handling the situation is as best you can.

Sometimes, people do need to find a place that suits them and sometimes, places or people do change over time. Not everyone is able to adapt to the changes, nor willing to do so. Sometimes, its the people themselves who have changed and may not be able to relate to the whole organization or center anymore.

Personally, I don't think anyone can speak for the individual concerned as it is her personal journey. What is best for her may not be what we think.

In any case, what's more important is for her to find where she feels most comfortable.

Previously, I also came across a center which I do enjoy very much because I liked the Guru there. But the people running the center were not people I could relate to somehow. In the end, I did leave that center but I managed to find another center which I am very happy in and I can totally relate to.

I think it is important to be comfortable. After all, the center and the people are almost like our second home or family. Hence, we need to really fit in and enjoy being with our Dharma brothers and sisters.

I am very happy at my new center and have been there for more than 5 years. The Guru is truly gifted in guiding me and helping me. I am very grateful for all of these, of course.

I wish your friend much peace and happiness. I hope that she finds the right place for her. Sometimes the right place and people can really help a person in blossoming and realising his or her fullest potential.

Just like how Pabongka Rinpoche was before and after he met his Root Gurus, Tagphu Rinpoche and Dagpo Rinpoche. While Pabongka was in Drepung, he was tagged as 'dull' and not likely to achieve much and yet, look what happened to him after meeting the right Gurus. Pabongka truly blossomed and became one of the greatest Masters of 20th Century.

[triesa]

Dear Wisdom being,

What Helena said does have a point. May be she will find a better center....??

Human issues or conflicts exist everywhere, and it is not surprised at all that this can happen inside a buddhist center. However, may be you have already shared with her, but please let her know that it is so silly to give up on one's Guru, one's center or one's spiritual journey because of some silly clowns that she did not get along with.

Likewise, also ask her to contemplate that the problem might also be coming from her side. The 8 versus of mind transformation might be a good read for your friend. Whenever I come across difficult situations, I will recite the versus in my heart,  letting go without holding on become much easier. Just to share and hope it will help.

Spiritual journey is about facing all the difficult situations without giving up, letting others win and treating those who have hurt you as your dear teachers.

Cheers,
Triesa

[Vajraprotector]

Hi WB,

I agree with Triesa and Helena up to certain extent, but I was just wondering it is possible for your friend to seek her Guru's advice re switching centres at all? 

I have read before that one shouldn't "give up" because the people in the centre is difficult, because she might switch to another centre and find the people there "untolerable" and had to switch centre again?? The people at the other centre could also "don't care about her and  just tell her to snap out of it and not be so selfish"

I guess as a friend, what you can do is find out what is the real problem your friend is facing to the extent that she wants to leave a centre, perhaps she is really depressed because of certain issue (MAIN problem), and the people don't care and tell her to snap out of it is just a trigger or something that adds on to the problem. If the root problem that caused your friend to be depressed and wanted to leave a centre is not really resolved, then your friend might end up centre-hopping and after a few centre hops, might just decided to quit Dharma (or quit that Guru!!! ) totally.

Anyway, one thing good is your friend has you as a Dharma friend, hopefully you will be able to influence her in the right direction 

[WisdomBeing]

Dear all,

Thank you so much for all your advice which really help. My friend has decided to stay at that centre after all - like you said - even if you switch, it doesn't mean the people will be better and then you switch again and again and it never ends. It's like samsara! She also spoke directly to some people she had a misunderstanding with and it's been cleared so she's much happier. I'm quite relieved myself!

Have a wonderful weekend!

[triesa]

Dear Wisdom Being,

Good to hear that you friend stay put with the center.

Every lesson is a journey by itself. She is lucky to have you as her Dharma friend for advice. Good advice is important during our crossroads in life

Cheers,
Triesa

[Ensapa]

With regards to the original topic, there are plenty of things that someone who seems to have "everything" needs. for one, they need spirituality, comfort, confidence, true friends, support, love and care. Nobody really has anything and we will still need something even if we have all the money in the world. There is always something that someone would need at the end of the day. Nobody can have everything. With that said, it is up to us to be sincere and find out what does that person actually really need and give it to them, and not just give what we think they need. That would be the best way to give something to someone who has everything.

[Dondrup Shugden]

Being born in the form as Shakymuni is about having everything.  As such all human beings should be practising Dharma and the world will be a Buddha land. 

We all know that it is not true.  As such with that in view, the best gift to anyone is the gift of the Dharma.

Due to our negative Karma, bad attitudes and most of all dualistic mind, we have compelled ourselves to believe that there is nothing to give to someone who has everything.  At all levels, we have everything. 

Therefore are we Buddhist able to display enough virtuous aura to attract people to hear us in giving them the best gift in life, the Dharma.

As many of us are unable to do so, then there are other ways to do so.  What can we do to assist in the preservation of the Dharma so that generations after generations this gift can be received by many people.

[pgdharma]

The gift of dharma is the best gift to anyone or to one who has everything. In this age of degeneration, the greatest desire is material wealth; most people will not have time to pursue spirituality.  We may think that they have everything; wealth, fame, beauty, glory etc yet most of those who have all these are unhappy people and they are the ones who need the dharma more as their good karma will burn up fast. Thus we can patiently and skillfully introduce dharma into to them and hope that they will incorporate dharma into their lives.